Heal

Chapter Two

𝑌𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ.
𝐵𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟. 𝐻𝑒'𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝐴𝑠𝑖𝑎𝑛 𝑖𝑛 𝑆𝑜𝑢𝑡ℎ 𝐴𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑎 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑦.
𝑊ℎ𝑎𝑡'𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑓𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟'𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑡𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑝𝑠?

These words punched Han-eun right in the gut every single time. She was critised because she wanted to be different. Because she 𝑖𝑠 different.
She pushed herself to the limit but that was never enough for her father. It was never enough even for herself. She drilled herself to the core everytime and she barely even had time for herself.
Even the time she did have for herself. She had that taken away from her. The right to be ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓.

Han-eun thought as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair tied into the tightest bun, her head was definitely going to throb.
Sweat were beaded on her forehead and tears blinded her eyes.

𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑑𝑜 𝑖𝑡.
𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜𝑜, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜𝑜.
"I can't." She choked.
Tears dropped down her face like unrelenting rain. She didn't even bother wiping them off. The view of herself in the mirror felt even more agonising. She didn't like what she saw. She saw a glimpse of her former self in the mirror. Her skin pale and gloomy. Bruises marked her body. Reminding her that she shouldn't have spoken her mind. Telling her that even her own mind is capable of deceiving her. That she doesn't deserve to live.
She should hate herself. And she does.

Han-eun went downstairs after gathering herself. Her family already waiting for her on the table for breakfast.
"Good morning." She greeted taking a seat next to her younger sister, Dal-ha.
"Morning. Eat quick, I have a meeting." Her father said.
Han-eun nodded silently. Her father's voice sent chills down her spine. It reminded her of the nights where she felt his hot breath against her neck. The chilly sensation that he left her feeling.

She hated how she felt around her father. The way he seemed to not even care about what he had done to her, it made Han-eun feel useless. It made her feel less important and her mind loved that. Loved making her father the victim instead of herself. She couldn't seek help from anybody, even from her own consciousness.

"Have you heard anything from UCT?" Her father questioned.
"No. I'm still waiting."
"They should have replied by now. If it weren't for your pathetic marks. You're taking this lightly Han-eun. You are putting my name in vain. Making yourself undeserving of being called a "Ahn"."
Han-eun kept her mouth shut. Speaking would earn her a hard slap in the face. Her own mother turning away and pretending not even see. And leaving her sister, Dal-ha, even more traumatized than she ever was.

She swallowed down her tears as her stomach churned and she became less and less hungry.
"I'm done. We should go." She said under breath already standing up and walking out. She took her bag from her maid and walked to the car to which the door was already open. She slipped inside the car and waited. Waited for she father to come in.

He did.

"You don't get sick of it, do you?" Ahn Sunho, Han-eun's father began.
Han-eun kept quiet.
"I am ashamed to even calling you my daughter." He added. Getting more and more irritated as the younger kept quiet. The only sound present was the roar of the engine as they drove off.
Han-eun's hands were clasped together on top of her lap. Her nails digging deep into the rough skin on the palm of her hands. Scratching over and over again to calm herself down.