I'm not me

Part 3

A few days go by and Charlie is researching again, not at labels this time. He is looking at clothing. For the first 2 hours Charlie did some research on styles and vibes base on results he got on a few quizzes. Charlie has found what he thinks is a cute tight black leather skirt, a few floaty summer dress as well as some high heels. Charlie believes he is gender fluid which means his gender identity can change on a daily basis or even every few weeks.

For the last few months, Charlie had been grappling with a growing realization deep within himself. He found himself leaning to embrace a more feminine expression, feeling drawn to the idea of using she/her pronouns. These thoughts had been swirling in his mind, a delicate secret he hadn't yet shared with Nick, his partner and confidant for years.

As he sat there, the weight of his emotions finally spilled over, tears welling up in his eyes. The vulnerability of wanting to explore this new aspect of himself clashed with the fear of rejection from the person he loved most. Charlie's heart ached with uncertainty, torn between authenticity and the desire to protect both his and Nick's feelings.

With a trembling hand, Charlie closed the laptop, the web browser still open to pages exploring feminine clothing and accessories. It was a tentative step, a symbolic acknowledgment of his inner turmoil and tentative exploration. He knew he couldn't bury these feelings forever, yet the thought of potentially hurting Nick kept him paralyzed in indecision.

The silence of the room enveloped him as he sat there, grappling with the enormity of what lay ahead. Charlie hoped for understanding, for acceptance, but the fear of the unknown loomed large. Deep down, he knew that his journey to self-discovery would require courage, honesty, and a leap of faith into uncharted waters.

A few hours passed, and it was Charlie's designated night to cook dinner. Their routine was well-established: they alternated cooking responsibilities, shared the kitchen for two evenings, and enjoyed takeout or a dinner date once a week. Tonight, Charlie took on the task of preparing a comforting meal, but his thoughts were elsewhere.

Throughout the preparation of the pasta bake, side salad, and garlic bread—Nick's favourite—Charlie couldn't shake the weight of what he wanted to share. How could he tell Nick about his feelings of wanting to embrace a more feminine identity, possibly using she/her pronouns? Would Nick understand? Fear and uncertainty gnawed at Charlie's mind as he chopped vegetables and stirred the sauce.

The rhythmic clinking of utensils against pots and the aroma of melting cheese filled the kitchen, masking Charlie's inner turmoil. Each stir of the pasta reminded him of the conversations they had shared, the laughter, and the moments of quiet understanding. Yet, this revelation felt different—fraught with the potential to alter everything they knew about each other.

As Charlie set the table, arranging it with care and precision, he wrestled with the timing and words to broach such a sensitive topic. Would tonight be the night to reveal his truth, or would he find another excuse to delay? The warmth of the kitchen and the aroma of the familiar dish offered a fleeting comfort, but Charlie knew that the dinner table held more than just food tonight—it held the possibility of profound change.

As the final things come out the oven and start to cool down, Charlie hears the front door open know Nick was home. "Hey Nicky how was your day love?" Charlie said as he met Nick at the door giving him a kiss and a hug before he could answer. "It was fantastic once again, how about yours? I'm guessing dinner is ready it smells amazing."

The two walked into their kitchen and dining area, a spacious room filled with the aroma of dinner just prepared. Charlie busied himself with setting out the plates and silverware, arranging them meticulously on the rustic wooden table. Meanwhile, Nick moved with a casual elegance, getting drinks out. Orange juice for Char and soft drink for himself. The lighting from the fairy lights above the kitchen table always made a cozy glow to their evening, and helped Charlie to relax when it comes to food, with past events that have occurred.

They exchanged knowing glances and shared smiles as they worked together, the familiarity of their routine bringing a sense of comfort. Amidst the clinking of glasses and the gentle hum of conversation, they continued their lively discussion, seamlessly transitioning from work anecdotes to playful banter about their favorite bands.

The kitchen island, adorned with bowls of salad, fresh out of the oven pasta bake as well as garlic, served as a focal point where they congregated before settling down. Each gesture and exchange spoke volumes of their shared history and deep connection, making the simple act of preparing for dinner a cherished ritual in their relationship.
"My day was good and yes dinner is ready, I thought I would make pasta bake as we haven't had it for a while." Charlie said as he joined Nick at the table.
"Thanks my love this looks wonderful."

As the evening progressed, Charlie found himself increasingly conflicted about whether to confide in Nick. The weight of the secret pressed on him, but so did the fear of potential consequences. Meanwhile, Nick remained oblivious, laughing at Charlie's jokes and enjoying their time together. The thought kept nagging at Charlie: how much longer could he keep this hidden before it inevitably surfaced?