Sunset Boulevard

Part 4: are you happy *trigger warning*

I've been to so many concerts this year.. besides it better for me now that I don't have to be in school anymore. Last summer I worked for Live Nation. I saw bring me the horizon, megadeath, kiss, all American rejects, and so many more of my favorite bands. I got to meet one of the band members from a day to remember.. those guys are really tall and they look so much different from tv. One of my favorite bands tssf has just released their new album " I want to disappear" and I've been playing it nonstop. Pretty soon I'm going to see them in concert live. I like how the lead singer sounds. He has a strong powerhouse voice.

 It's weird that I am starting to feel happy again.. some days I am good and some days are really bad. I think I am on to something now. My depression has been at a constant stand still and that's good but I am afraid that it might hit me harder than ever before. Last semester, I could barely get out of bed.. skipping meals.. barely showering.. eating like crazy.. I don't want to go back to it. That part of my life of when I hit rock bottom I had two choices, to stay down or get up.

and guess what I chose...

It is nothing but music and god that got me through my bad depression. 

From an early age I remember taking interest in different music. Rock and metal have always been my favorite. I love the rush of it, the freeing feeling it gives me.. I love that it's not mellow.. It's wild and free. My parents never approved of it because they thought it was the "devil's music". I wasn't the average girl growing up, you see I was blessed with the good looks and all.. boys were always attracted to me. but because of my good looks, I think people always assumed the worse I guess.. A lot of people thought that I was "right" but I'm actually "left".. if you know what I mean. I have my mothers good looks, but I take up after my fathers character. My dad was really smart.. I mean like a genius.. He was a metalhead too.. but he kept it secret because he didn't want to be made fun of. Understand that if you are person of color or any other ethnic background, it isn't really known to listen to rock or metal. 

My dad always told me to be myself and don't be embarrassed for who I am. Life is better that way. One thing I hate that I inherited from my dad is depression and suicidal feelings. I comes and goes, it's not permanent. I think there are people who feel things really deeply to the point where its unbearable, and it's even worse when others don't get it. Unfortunately that's my dark side. 

I think that a lot of things in life aren't what they seem. I mean for instance those who are labeled as a bad person.. some people aren't actually bad.. just misunderstood and brutally damaged.  After all energy doesn't lie. but it is everyones responsibility to heal.