worldfire

the 1st puzzle piece

11th of December, 7:34am

You know what, I've come so far mentally over the past few years. I'm such a positive person now. There were times where all I could do was cry about things I couldn't change but I'm much more... zen.

"If only the bus times were zen too." I thought to myself, crowding at a bus stop. I didn't know where I was but all I knew is that the rain was bombarding us. The black and red bus shelter was designed to fit 5 people under it, not the 20 people all wearing my school's tacky black and red uniform. 

Red cars, Red lights, and red bikes were all on the horizon but the red bus to take me to school was beginning to look like a myth. Until, out of the corner of my eye, the bus finally appeared in the distance. The 611, stretching all the way from one gentrified town on the outskirts of London to the school of another gentrified town. 

"611, to Norman Hill Academy, South Barnheid." the announcement blared over the noise of all the schoolkids - me not included, as my friend Hazel hadn't got on the bus yet. Her stop was around 5 stops away, and all I could do whilst I waited was count how many overpriced coffee shops I could spot around the area. 

Oh, you want to know who Hazel is? Hazel is.. kind of like her namesake. She's really beautiful, really smart, and really kind and caring for others. It should make no surprise to you that she's one of the popular kids at school. And now you want to know about me? Well.. I hate using this trope as a description but I'm basically her 'gay best friend'. There's nothing else to that. I know what you are going to say, but no, it's not my choice.

There are many things that I can't choose in life. The fact that I'm lightskin, the fact that I have black hair, the fact that I wake up in the morning feeling like nothing, and unfortunately, my sexuality is one of those things.

"Marsh Grove Station" the announcement said softly. This was Hazel's stop, and looking at the bus stop sticking out in a sea of beige and grey houses, I saw her. Hazel. Sometimes, people think she's a celebrity because of the amount of people that like her and don't say anything behind her back. Time almost slowed as she walked towards me and sat down next to me (not in that way), because I was so happy to see her.

"Hi Santi!" Hazel said, her brown waist length hair falling as she sat down near me. "You know Evan's messaging me AGAIN?" I let out a slight laugh as she rolled her eyes.

"I thought you and Evan broke up and now you were focused on Amari?" I asked, her body language letting me know that she had other plans.

"Well.... look me in my eyes and tell me that Evan is not one of the finest boys in our year." She waited for my answer. "Thought so!" She sung in a sing-song voice as she continued texting him, and as the bus continued huffing and puffing through suburban London. 

I love Hazel as a friend, I really do. But sometimes I just get jealous.

Norman Hill Academy, 9:13am.

"but sometimes i just get jealous." I wrote into a note document on my phone. It's slightly depressing, but I stopped relying on venting to real people anyways. They just don't know how to respond, which is fine, but it hurts a little bit. "i just wish that i could actually attract people as easy as she does. society awlays tells me to wait but i really cant. she has it all. just to be like hazle iss all i want in lifeee. but oh well"

"Santiago. Hand in your phone. Now." My teacher, Ms Deansgate, sternly told me. Knowing I had no other choice, I sighed as my phone charm got caught on her nails. I started playing with my book as the silence of the classroom gave me the space to daydream.

I thought about how life would be if it went my way. I pictured myself walking in some sort of rich financial district, littered with monotone skyscrapers and tourists. In my ideal life, I was rich. In my ideal life, I was pretty. In my ideal life, I wasn't single.

"What were you doing on your phone bro?" a male voice asked from next to me. I turned my head to see someone I had never seen before. According to something I read ages ago on Google, your brain can slow down time perception to take in more information. My brain was moving at a glacial pace.

Generalising people was generally something I tended to avoid, but right off the bat, I could tell he was popular. Something about him. Maybe it was his figure. Or his form. Or his hair which seemed to always look perfect. Or his perfect teeth and perfect smile. I didn't know. 

"Just bored, you know how this lesson can get." I responded. It was kind of a dry response but I had to play it cool. In reality I felt my heartbeat through my fingertips.

Surprisingly, we engaged in small talk after that and I won't lie, his voice already had me folding. It was smooth, and deep, and succulent, and so much more.

13:12, Norman Hill Academy

Sighing as my bag rested on my shoulder, I looked for Hazel in the crimson canteen. I checked all around before I gave up.

"Did you miss me?" a voice asked. Hazel hugged me as we sat down on one of the tables that were surprisingly clean. "I saw you speaking to Aidan during lesson!" She said teasingly. I think she knew that I liked him before I did. I smiled back, not saying much, however Hazel's eyes observed my hands and- "He gave you his snapchat just like that?"

"Is it wrong to have male friends?" I asked, returning the playful tone Hazel introduced. 

"Santi, just be careful." Hazel warned me, but I didn't know why. She clearly overestimated me, as I stared back at her waiting for her to continue. "We both know that the last time you were really close with a boy, you got feelings." I rolled my eyes, but she continued speaking. "And the time before that, and the time before that." I could tell that she genuinely cared. But I would be fucking damned if I didn't use this one opportunity to have my Heartstopper story.