Chapter 30

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Chance.

Dad tricked Michael's f-father. He betrayed him. He chooses money over their friendship. Even my mother confirm it to me... And what's worst is Michael knows it... That's explained his behaviours towards me when I started approaching...him. So, that's why he's so mad at me. That's why he loathed me to the b-bone. He lied to me....

Tears gushing down on my cheeks at the very moment I lowered my head. It simply means that all his action towards me was also lies? It does mean that's it's not true about his ex girlfriend who cheated on him. All of his reason were made up?

I shook my head as realization dawned on my face. Is he trying to avenge his father through me? Colors left my face just by thinking of it. I felt like my heart is being squeezed. My chest tightened, I felt a dull pain.

"N-No, M-Michael love me... He won't..." I shrugged off my head violently. 

But remember how he dumped you easily? Is that what you called love? My mouth switched and closed my eyes firmly while tears rushing down on my face like waterfalls.

"H-He already explained it to me! He was confused that time! He said himself that he love me! Shut up!" I snapped weakly as I hugged myself while my shoulders quivering. 

No, he doesn't. He was just using you. He doesn't love you. Remember, how he despite you in the beginning and suddenly he acted nice to you. Aren't you wondering?

My upper lip turned up. He really did. He suddenly change his treatment to me. See, so how could you say he love you? When in fact he despise you. You and your family especially your father. Who is cause of everything. Your dad was gone so you should be the one who carry the burdens and guilt.

Yeah, D-Daddy was g-gone. I wailed loudly as that thought registered on my brain again. That he completely left the world leaving me and mommy alone here. You no right to cry and mourn.

"Shut up please! Please! Please!" I clutched my head almost destroying it.

I groaned in pain as I felt it hurt more. D-Dad is gone. He c-can't p-protect me anymore. Michael d-doesn't love me anymore. He hates me, now. He u-used me only for his revenge... A-And p-people c-calling me s-slut, w-whore and name... just because of a single photo...

It's feels like my head is going to explode for everything that ranning into my mind. I don't know what to think, first anymore. Everything is too messy. I held into my chest that were throbbing loudly. Maybe they were right. I am a slut. I am a whore. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to mourn for my father.

They were right all along. I am a bitch who boss my friend around. I am a bitch who embarrass everyone. Who treated others badly and says hurtful and fouls words. I am a bitch who don't care for other people's feelings. I am the ones who is evil not them. Everything is my fault.

Michael's mother was right when she say I am no good for her son's future and dreams. I'm just gonna destroy Michael if I force to stay. I am not right one for him. I embraced myself more as I shed another bunch of tears. Maybe the best I could do to him is to leave him alone. And I should leave him—completely dissappear from his sight—his life...

My eyes darted with tears at the time I lifted my head. I nibbled my bottom lip after seeing a cutter placed above my bed. A flush crept up my face afer an idea occur suddenly in my mind. They will be happy if I'm gone, right? Totally, I'm the real problem, here.

I'm gonna fine, there. After this suffering I will be finally happy. I will be free from the pains. I wouldn't feel any anguish anymore after this. I'd just need to do this. I couldn't handle the sorrows the sadness anymore. Anxiety is eating me up. It's been consuming my mind and my whole body. I cannot take it anymore. Just please take me already. I'm begging....

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