talking to him

day changes

𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝖆𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗'𝖘 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊

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karl sits down at the back of the bus, one row forwards so he avoids the back-most seats that young teens always occupy.

the seat feels hard as he sits down, the material rough against his back, even through his shirt, and he jolts in surprise when the bus makes a sudden move forward and away from the sidewalk.

he turns to look out the window beside him, his lip shaking as he watches the buildings begin to blur past outside, and his heart crumbles in his chest, feeling as though it literally falls apart.

karl drops his head into his hands as the first tears fall from his eyes, and he squeezes his mouth shut in an attempt to stay quiet as he cries on the bus, unable to stop no matter how desperately he wants to.

his chest shakes with his silent sobs, his lungs restricting and squeezing, and he feels his palms dampen with the warm salty tears that feel heavier than any burden before.

he wonders, as he sits there crying on public transport, if he has finally reached his breaking point.

after today, karl is willing to do just about anything if it means he never has to go back to that job and see that man. there is barely a thing in the world that could convince him that it's worth it.

he wants to fulfil the promise he made to his dad all those years ago but even that doesn't seem like enough incentivise to keep going back and allowing himself to be literally sexually abused day in and day out without an end in sight.

more than himself, karl feels like he's doing sapnap wrong. maybe if he only had to worry about himself, karl could've put up with the harassment and continued to fight for his dad's legacy, but he feels like he's cheating on sapnap and he hates it.

every time his boss lies a hand on him, he pictures sapnap, loyal and heart unwavering, and he feels sick to his stomach. he feels worse for sapnap than he does himself, even if he knows it's illogical.

karl jolts upright when he feels someone take a seat beside him, their arms brushing thanks to their proximity on the small bus seats. he realises too late that he hasn't even tried to mask his features, and now he's staring into a stranger's eyes with tears on his cheeks and surely bloodshot eyes.

"sorry," he says instinctively and tries to shuffle over to give the older man more space but, upon glancing around, he notices that the bus is still mainly empty and so the man actually has no reason to sit so close.

confused, he looks back at the stranger.

he's met with kind eyes and a gentle-looking smile, the expression sympathetic but not patronising. "are you okay?"

his voice sounds so similar that karl startles slightly, feeling as though he's just heard his dad talk for the first time in years.

he'd almost forgotten what the older man sounded like, but this stranger has renewed the memory fresh in his mind, and he feels a jolt of pain shock through him as he searches for some kind of response.

karl shakes his head minutely, trying to clear his thoughts, and honestly answers, "just a bad day at work."

to anyone else, he surely would've lied and said he's fine, even if it's so obviously a lie, but it's like the stranger's voice has opened something within him and he can't help the truth from spilling out.