All For Her

The Snowball That Starts Up An Ice Boulder.

(Trigger warning: There will be a panic attack in this chapter, and I would like to say that if there's anything inaccurate in this chapter about it, please let me know in the comments! I would like to give an accurate portrayal of them, and I personally have had panic attacks in my life, but I have a hard time really remembering what it was like other than feeling like I couldn't breathe, so I would appreciate feedback in case my portrayal of a panic attack is inaccurate. ^_^)

His dad was tearing up photos. He never usually did that, so it immediately struck John as odd.

He was five years old, and he was watching from the couch as his dad went through photos that were put in frames and ripping them in half or just ripping off a certain piece of it. He could see from the pieces left on the floor that he was tearing off the pieces of the photos that had him and John, and that confused him even more. Why was he ripping photos?

John had tried to get up and come over to his dad, but his hand slipped while he was thinking of how to get down from the couch, and he fell off and landed on the ground with a thump that made his dad stop immediately and race over to him, helping him up with a concerned look on his face.

"John, what did I say about trying to get off the couch without me?" His dad was checking to make sure there was no injuries, and he let out a sigh of relief to see there was none. "Not injured... And you didn't cry, even when you fell down..." He could hear something off in his dad's tone, and he could even see involuntary tears in his eyes, but he quickly wiped them away with a smile that also felt off. "B-But that's fine! I'm sure you just need a bit more time, and you'll be expressing yourself through all different kinds of emotions! Remember what I told you about before? Happy, sad, angry, disgust, fear..."

John nodded his head, which made his dad's hold on him tighter. He didn't understand what was going on, but from the tears, his dad might be sad.

"... You've got some nerve, William." A male voice he didn't bother to recognize spoke up, sounding... Angry? Yeah, angry. "Leaving right when she goes missing, huh."

"... It's a lot better than staying and waiting for her to come back." His dad spat back, his voice wavering, but otherwise staying calm.

"It's been almost a year since she went missing." John looked to get a better view of the man. He vaguely remembered his mom saying before who he was, but his dad never mentioned him, so he didn't bother remembering. He had white hair, and was always drinking a red drink out of a glass cup. "You just now decide to leave?"

"... It was best to wait in case she was coming back, but didn't tell me as some kind of test... The last time she did one of those, I took the bait and was in a coma for four weeks and I wasn't allowed out of the basement for five more. You would know that though..."

"Yeah, it must be awful with a loving wife and child in a big house where you don't have to lift a fuckin'-"

"A mentally unstable woman who decided to kidnap me and pushed me almost to the brink of insanity for months until I broke, and then forced me to have a kid with her to make sure I couldn't leave because I had no way of supporting myself and couldn't leave John with her because he has the same condition as her and might turn out exactly like her under her guidance, you mean? The big house where I spent months in a basement stuck dealing with sensory deprivation, only to be thrown into a house where you scold me for wanting to have my own damn life, and my "wife" getting angry at me for rejecting her "affection" even though she knows damn well I still don't want this... That big house?" There was an off tone to his dad's voice, where he sounded sad, but happy at the same time since he was crying but also was laughing in his words. It was weird to hear, in his opinion. "If you both are like this, I can just barely imagine how awful your parents were..."