Venomous (Jax Teller)

seventeen

Julia's hands were shaking under the table as she watched Eli across from her. He was smiling and rambling on about this and that. She hadn't seen him this genuinely happy in a while. It filled her with doubt. She didn't think she could tell him now.

"Yeah, I'm having Tara stay with me until Kohn's out of town. It's...man, it's going great, all things considered," Eli chuckled, "Shit, hey, what did you wanna talk about?"

Julia couldn't do it. She couldn't take that smile off his face. She had called him here to come clean. To tell him about their dad, about their mom, about herself, and about Vince. But she couldn't uproot his entire world like that. This was her burden to carry. So she stuffed it all back down.

Julia gave him a half-hearted smile, "I just wanted to tell you that Jax and I got together. Um, not very long ago...like at all. But I thought I'd tell you in person so you could get in your 'I told you so's'."

"You're serious?" Eli leaned forward with a grin.

"Yep. I won't give you any more details than that. We didn't exactly go on a date before it went down like you and Tara," Julia hinted.

"Ugh, I don't wanna know any more. I'm fucking happy for you, Jules," Eli reached over to take her hand, "You deserve this. I mean, part of me wants to be that brother who tells you that it's not smart with the life you two live, but damn...he's always been good for you and to you. First person I've ever seen that could wind you down when you get all worked up. You deserve this."

Julia took in a sharp breath, looking down and blinking as the tears pricked at her eyes. She couldn't tell him a damn thing.

Julia cleared her throat and looked back up, "And you deserve Tara. I already gave her the speech about you, but I think I should go the other way around too. She's still my friend. Don't hurt her either, or I'll smack the shit out of you."

Eli laughed, "I know. Thanks, Julie. I admit, this might not have happened if it weren't for you pushing it."

Julia shrugged, "You know me. Pushy. Annoying. I like getting what I want. And you and Tara are too cute."

They sat there for a while longer, just talking into the night until they were the only two customers left in the diner.

Eli stood up, "I gotta get going."

"Yeah, me too. I'm just gonna head to the bathroom first."

Eli gave her a quick hug, waving as he left. Julia couldn't have locked herself in that bathroom any faster, the door slamming behind her as her breathing quickened in a panic. She grabbed at her hair as she paced around and around the small room. It felt like her vision was swirling around her and her heart felt like it was going to stop. She couldn't get enough air.

Julia caught the smallest glimpse of herself in the mirror and turned to stare. She could barely recognize what was staring back at her. It was disgusting. Filthy. Dirty. Tainted. She could never wash away what he had done to her. She would always feel his hands over her body and hear his words in her ears.

Julia gagged at the thought, but more than she was disgusted, she was angry. Angry at herself. How could she have let this happen to her? She should have done more. She could have stopped it, right? She knew that was wrong. She had only been a child. He was her father. She had only wanted to protect her little brother.

Julia braced herself on the sink, rocking back and forth lightly as she breathed in and out through her mouth. But when she looked at herself again, none of that self-hatred had gone away. It pushed and pushed until she couldn't stand the sight of herself.