Venomous (Jax Teller)

twenty one

"I'm sorry. I didn't want-I don't know what to do."

"It's ok. You did the right thing. I'll take care of this."

Julia was still sitting there, eyes locked on the lifeless corpse sitting on feet away from her. Blood was soaking into the carpet and splattered against the wall.

Jax sat down next to her and took her hand gently, "Hey. Jules, can you look at me for a second?"

Julia could hear him. She knew he was there, but none of it felt real. Dissociation is what her therapist had called it when she described these episodes to him. Periods of time where a person may disconnect from their thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity.

Julia looked at him, but she seemed almost confused, like she couldn't really register his presence there.

"Hey," Jax rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, "You ok?"

"I don't know," she mumbled through the haze.

Julia remembered what her therapist had told her to do in a state like this. He told her to name 5 things she could see, 4 things she could hear, 3 things she could touch, 2 things she could smell, and 1 thing she could taste. She used to think it sounded stupid, but it was a way of grounding yourself in reality.

5 things she could see. The blood, the body, the gun, the bullet wounds, the walls. 4 things she could hear. Jax speaking comforting words in her ear, Tara crying in the other room, her breath, the sheets crumpling beneath her as she moved. 3 things she could touch. She felt Jax's hand in hers, she felt the way he moved her disheveled hair out of her face, she felt the pain on her neck and her head. 2 things she could smell. Blood and the smell of leather and smoke coming from Jax. 1 thing she could taste. She could taste the remnants of the sports drink she had drank just an hour ago at the hospital.

Julia took a deep breath and pushed herself to stand up, "We should clean this up."

Jax pulled her away from Kohn's body, holding her in place, "Hey. I'll deal with this. I'll clean up the body. I'm gonna take Tara's dad's car. Just stay here with Tara. Ok?"

Julia nodded slowly, "Ok."

Jax kissed her forehead, "It's gonna be fine."

Julia sat out in the front room with Tara, both of them holding onto each other tight. They didn't speak a single word, but their actions were loud enough to say that they were going to be ok and that they had each other's back.

Julia watched as Jax dragged the covered body outside. She heard the car start up and the garage door open before he left.

Julia stood up, "Go take a shower. I'm gonna start cleaning the blood."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm fine now," Julia gave her the best smile she could manage, but she knew it wasn't convincing.

Julia had never been a killer. Not one that enjoyed it, at least. This was only the second person she had killed like this in her life. And it just made her feel...numb. Trapped.

Tara blankly walked into the bathroom and Julia heard the water start a few minutes later.

Julia grabbed everything she needed. She poured a handful of detergent and hydrogen peroxide onto the carpet and began to scrub out the dark red stain. It took a long time before it all came out and by then, she was surrounded by dirty paper towels. She moved to the walls next, meticulously scrubbing at every spot. Then the tile at the master bathroom doorway. Then she went over it again and again. Cleaning each and every spot until it looked like it was new. But even then, she still felt as if it was dirty.