Enhypen BxB OneShots

OT7 - Heeseung Centric

Angsty. 
Angstyangstyangstyangstyangsty!!

nothing like, disgustingly sad, but nothing sunshine and rainbows either. 

I will tell you the ending doesn't have everything resolved, but it leaves you feeling hopeful. 

I still hope you enjoy (: 

***

Heeseung was the oldest member of Enhypen.

From the beginning, Heeseung knew his role within their group was to be the eldest member, and to take care of everyone else. He knew they would all rely on him at one point or another, and he was determined to be there for all of them, at any time.

Enhypen meant everything to Heeseung, and the man would constantly be going out of his way to treat his members with love and warmth.

Although that was his case, he wasn't always the best with expressing his emotions, to any of them. Since the beginning, really, since I-Land, Heeseung has held back. He's held back from putting his all into any friendship he's gained. He's held back from exposing many things about himself from basic childhood facts to the overwhelming dread he feels every time there is a comeback.

He's too old for that. He's too old to sound like a sappy crybaby just because things are hard and not going his way. He doesn't think that his childhood is important enough to share.

They only like me for my talent, Heeseung was always reminding himself that. They wouldn't be friends with me if we were all ordinary and in school. He knew it was more likely than not true.

Heeseung kept his guard up ninety five percent of the time, around everybody. Yeah, he's known Jay for almost eight years now, but the other boy has only seen Heeseung cry once. They were trainees and Heeseung had twisted his ankle. He had been overthinking what if he could never dance again, and his future was ruined. Jay held the ice pack against his ankle, and patted the elder's shoulder as he shed tears that were just as quickly wiped away.

And the thing is, Heeseung didn't really think about it that much. He didn't think about the fact he usually keeps his distance from his members whenever there was a single seed of doubt in his head. He didn't think anyone ever noticed or cared enough to talk to him.

Sometimes, Heeseung feels as though he's psyching himself out. What if he actually wants them to listen, to ask him what's wrong? What if his silence is really the loudest cry for help? He doesn't know how to ask, doesn't know how to reach out for help, in any way.

He should never be overthinking about himself. He had a job to do. He had to sing, dance, and care for all of his members. His fellow members were more important than the way his nailbeds were all torn up from stressing out. His members were more important than the way he couldn't stop his leg from bouncing with nerves sometimes.

He's fine. He knows no one will ever look too closely at him, will care that much. He's doing well hidden in the shadows, and at the moment, he's okay with it.

***

"We have thirty minutes till stage, guys." Jungwon calls out to everybody from where they're all sprawled around the green room. They all look so nonchalant, either scrolling on their phones or quietly conversing with one another.

Heeseung is trying his best to even hold himself together in the corner. It was their first award show performance after their comeback, their first time performing their single live, and Heeseung was on the verge of shitting bricks.

He's usually nervous, yes, that's not uncommon, but he feels the panic seeping over his entire body slowly, but surely. His fingertips were shaking, and it slowly, slowly crept to his hands and Heeseung could barely hold the mic that was currently in his grasp.