Exotic

XXXIV

Sydney

"You are going to be fine." Kath assured me as she squeezed my hand. We were in the waiting room at the therapists office. I'd already booked in and my Mum sat on my left while Kath sat on my right. My leg was bouncing and I feel hot and sweaty.

"Sydney Kelly?" a woman called. I leant forward and took a breath before standing up. It was hard since my legs were shaking.

"Do you want one of us to come with you?" Mum asked.

"Uh... no." I shook my head.

"Okay, but text us if need anything, yeah?" Kath said.

"Yeah, okay." I nod and follow the woman into her office.

"Have a seat, Sydney." the woman offered, kindly.

I sat down and let out a shaky breath. I had to cup my hands together and wring them so I wouldn't pinch anything. I've noticed that as my anxiety attacks get worse, the more I pinch and pull at my skin.

"You seem a bit anxious, Sydney. Can I get you anything? Water? I have cookies, too." the woman asked.

"U-uh, no." I shake my head. But then I realised how impolite that was so I corrected myself, "No thank you."

"That's alright. I want you to feel relaxed in here." the woman smiled, "I'm Doctor York, but my patients may call me Jess, and I'll be evaluating you today. Now, I see that you have been admitted for social anxiety in the past. Can you tell me how that started?"

Oh boy.

---------------

I left the office without another word. I started to cry and blubber like a baby. I couldn't handle being alone with her. Its nothing against her, I'm sure she's a lovely lady, but I was already feeling a bit jumpy and being in a room with a new person was a lot more frightening than I thought. I sort of just sat there and rocked myself for half an hour before she told me I could leave if I wanted to.

"Hey, you're out early." Kath stood up and gave me her comforting smile when I walked up to her.

I just hugged her and cried. She held me back and squeezed me tightly while I sobbed. I felt my Mum's hand on my head while she spoke to someone.

"I couldn't do it." I cried into my girlfriend's shoulder.

"It's okay." she said and kissed my hair.

"We're going to leave now, Sheila." Mum's voice said.

"Okay." I say shakily. Kath picked me up and carried me to her car since my legs were basically jello. Mum sat in the back with me while Kath drove us home.

"Let's get some food and water in you, Sheila." Mum said while we took our shoes off at the front door. I was still a bit shaky but the further away we were from people, the better I felt.

Kath took over from Mum and lead me to the sofa. She held me in her arms and kissed my head.

"How are we?" Kath asked, her green eyes looking straight into mine.

"I hate everything that just happened. Why can't I just be normal?"

"Babe, there's no such thing as normal. No one is normal. Everyone is unique."

"I can't think of a single person who would cry and breakdown because they met new people, just like I did."

"There are lots of people who aren't comfortable with meeting new faces. My Auntie Marley is one of them. She's introverted and only likes the company of her inner circle." Kath reasoned, "You're not weird for feeling like this, okay?"

"Okay. You're right."

"Good. Now say it. Tell me that you're not weird."

"I'm not weird."

"That's good." she nodded and kissed my cheek.

"I am in dire need of a nap."

"You can have a nap after food, if you'd like?" Kath offered.

"Yeah. And do you think we could convince Mum to let us close the door?"

"Syd, I don't think it would be a good time to have-"

"No, Kath. I wasn't talking about that. It would make me feel safe to be alone in a closed room with you."

"Well, if that's how you feel, then sure. I'll talk to your Mom."

"Thanks." I say as I rest my head on her shoulder.

"No problem."