The Tavern of Tall Tales

Sir Humpty of Dumpty

"Friend Laerin! Dost thou havest the knowledge to tell us the tale of the egg named Humpty of Dumpty?" Marguerite pleaded while reaching for a bottle of spirits. Eryen briskly snatched it away, giving her a glass of spring water, which she drank while glaring at him.

Taking another sip of his wine, Laerin began. "The famous egg, known as Humpty of Dumpty, sat on a high and mighty wall, with 11 of his brethren and friends. This wall overlooked a very powerful kingdom, and they were all told to watch over this kingdom as protectors. They were to fight anyone who would threaten the kingdom and the royal family."

"How noble!" she exclaimed.

"Humpty of Dumpty was the King's favorite of all the 12 eggs overlooking his kingdom, as he had saved the King when he was a young child, which is why he is now a protector of this kingdom.

BUT THEN

A nearby kingdom, they attacked the almighty King in the high noon of night, a night when the moon was being reborn anew, so no light was amongst them."

Marguerite gasped and "accidentally" spilled the rest of her water. While Eryen sighed and began mopping up her mess, she grabbed the bottle of spirits that he had taken away from her and hid it in her lap.

Choosing not to acknowledge Marguerite's actions, Laerin continued, "This kingdom of near lands, was known as.... "The Scramblers"!!!!! Mighty whisks of many, torturing the kingdom and it's villages!"

With her full attention back on the story, Marguerite gasped out, "How cruel! The scoundrels!"

"Yes! Very cruel! It was a challenging fight, but they held on well. But slowly, the eggs atop the wall starting cracking, leaking the yellow blood through their shells

Then, BAM!! One fell!

Then two!" Laerin said, hitting his fist on the table.

"Nooooooo!!!!" Marguerite wailed. Eryen had finished mopping up the water, and was now looking for the bottle of spirits. He looked at Marguerite, and she smiled innocently at him.

"Then another, and another, until only one was left atop this high wall. Humpty of Dumpty. He had fought well, but then he felt a strike in his back... an arrow had pierced his shell, knocking him off the wall. As he fell, his life flashed before his eyes, and he cried out "Thy scoundrels of whisks, thy will never feel the pain of protecting a kingdom of heavens in which you will be rewarded a greater heaven; the Heaven of-"

And then there was silence that fell among the kingdom." Laerin said, solemnly.

"... heroic last words..." said Marguerite, through tears. 

"The king and his soldiers rushed over to see the egg that protected them, but all they saw was a mess.... multiple white shells and a pile of yellow blood..... there was nothing their clerics or priests could do to heal Humpty."

"Noooooooo!!! Whyyyyyyyyyyyy... but the kingdommmm... and the Scramblers! Will no one avenge these poor, noble souls' deaths? And Humpty! He died so bravely..." She had now opened the bottle of spirits and proceeded to drink half. Eryen, knowing she had gotten to it, took the bottle from her mouth before she could finish it.

"As the sun awoke from its slumber, the King and his family, all of the peasants, and everyone between gathered around to mourn the loss of a great soldier." Laerin said, while looking down into his wine goblet. 

Somehow, Maguerite flung herself across the counter and was just hysterically sobbing while wrapping her arms around Eryen's neck. While trying to console her, Eryen stared at Laerin and through gritted teeth whispered, "Do... something..."

"But fear not, as the King did indeed get his revenge! He had sent many keen assassins to infiltrate and kill those damn Scramblers, and the kingdom was finally at peace!" Laerin improvised. 

Marguerite, now settled back on her stool, clapped her hands. "The noble warrior has been properly avenged!"

Eryen sighed in relief, and Laerin offered to the two, "How about I tell you a favorite of mine?"