A Better World With You

Prologue

To start this story, let me begin this one with a quote that "I am living in someone's vision of a perfect life". A perfect life that has been prepared for me ever since I started taking off my flaws just to be recognized by a mother who equalize the definition of daughter to an epitome of phenomenality.

I thought at first being rebellious can only risk a perfect life that my mother implanted into my mind. However, it was the most regretful decision I lay hold of. Because eversince I've taken a risk just to be with him, everything became so interesting. My surroundings became colorful and I never knew the sun can shone brighter than it already shown.

It is just like a painting that even though you messed up at the beginning, the end result will always be fascinating. Not perfectly made, but in that painting, you expressed yourself, you've shown the portion of who you really are and that is beautiful. Nevertheless, I am raised with many rules, many restrictions, many punishments and pressure.

My mother brainwashed me that in order to have a good life, I should always be on top. No mistakes shall be accepted, no failure shall be considered, and no downfalls to encounter. But as I tend to grow older, my perspective became different because the more I am pushing myself to be perfect, the more I feel vulnerable.

Sometimes, I want to complain to my mother that I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm restless but that will be a bad thing. She doesn't take one of my feelings as valid. I want to show my human side too because all my life she treated me like a robot  with perfect knowledge embedded in mind. Tons of times I have cried. Tons of times I am painted with scars. Tons of times I feared my life. I was begging for the light to come and out of the blue, he suddenly came.

He is still the first person whom I trusted with all my life. No matter how he broke me with an unbelievable betrayal, he still holds that title because no one did replace him. He was the person whom I shared my scars with. He was the person who always knows the right words to say. He was the person whom I wholly treated as a home. He was the person that has the most comforting embrace. He was the person I planned my dreams with. He was the person who only heard how loud I laugh. He was the person who gave dirt on my mind because he failed to clean his. He was the person that was once with me and the only person who has ability to have shaken my heart.

Indeed, no one replaced him with a position he himself thrown away and from that, I wasn't able to say the three words that can massively change everything, because he betrayed me before I have the chance to say it.  He hadn't heard anything from me, but I was really suffering silently.

He was my first love. The greatest love where labels were blurred but feelings were clear. No one understood me for hurting this much because we are the only witnesses of our love story. It's crazy that even though we're not officially committed, being with him was life changing. Regardless, our love was selfish. We took advantage of what we're willing to do, and now, it has been the most problematic thing that puts us apart.

"Sana noong una pa lang, nagpakatotoo ka na agad sa akin." I thought while staring at our old picture. The picture was taken at the City of Seville, when we were riding a small boat as we appreciate the beauty of the orange hues colored in the sky during times of the setting sun. Actually, it wasn't the only picture that I carried with me. I have lots of them and I failed to throw them away.

"George, are you still there?" Alessandro asked as he knocked three times from my bedroom's door. I immediately brought back the picture from a gift box and hide it in a drawer with a lock so that just in case somebody sneaked in my bedroom, no one will be able to open it except me.

"Yes, I'm still here." I answered. Once I locked the drawer from my closet, I walked towards the door to open it and show myself to Alessandro.