March 25th 2023:
A soul, a noun with a metaphysical nature, each creature has it, it is what keeps the heart beating, the neurons working, it is what keeps you alive. But what will happen once it's gone? Is the method involving how it's gone matters to what comes after? What comes after? I tried multiple times getting rid of what we call the soul, but I used only one method, which is suffocating. Either under the water, with a rope, with my hands, and each time I felt the same way. Kind of scared, and the same time relieved, I saw The Light, and my eyesight didn't like darken, instead it whitened. I also tried to hurt my physical body, since '' the soul '' cannot be hurt. I used a scissor, a large one, and cut my chest, my forearms, and even my face, close to my right eye. That pain I felt was very heart-warming.
March 26th 2023:
I see only one thing, I have only one thought, I had it numerous times, which is killing those two called '' parents ''. Liars, disguising themselves in front of people as loving parents, for them love is paying for school fees, clothes, and getting what to eat. Nothing like a hug, since it costs time, and time costs money, which means a hug is a waste of money. I was raised this way, so I consider any person who hugs me a close person. They are yelling at my sister, tried to calm it down, they yelled at me '' look at that asshole thinking he can stop me ''. They never loved me, and I always hated them, since I realised how much I mean nothing to them but a waste of money, they don't want me to love them, they want me to fear them, so I can never think about defying them, I hate them, I want to kill them, they use us each time, I hate them, I will kill them, I WILL KILL THEM, I WILL KILL THEM. I WILL SHOW THEM WHAT THEY MADE, NOT AN OBEDIENT CHILD BUT A PSYCHOPATH, READY TO KILL THEM, RESTRAINING HIMSELF FOR THE SAKE OF HIS SISTER, ALREADY HAS SCARS OF HIS MUTILATION ON HIS CHEST, FOREARMS, HE KNOWS HOW DOES IT FEEL TO CUT HIMSELF EACH DAY. I'm sorry if I let you down aunts and uncles, I never wanted it to end like this, but they deserved it, they must die, and so the people like them, thinking that only prayers will save them, and forgetting about personality, the mother for instance, prays each day, but she doesn't stop from talking behind people's back, threatening the father with divorce, comparing people's hard work to futility, the type of person you don't want to live with under the same roof, I lived with her 17 years, soon the last day will come, and if it won't come, I will bring it.
March 31st 2023:
I feel like my mental health is deteriorating, I'm being paranoid, afraid of what might happen in the near future, doubting all my doings, something in me just keeps changing, I can't even breath properly, my nose is always full, no matter what I do I can't empty it. Just went to the bathroom to wash it and still I can feel my nose full, I don't understand, am I allergic to something? Did I catch cold?
The world used to be a better place, everything could have been better, but the human nature made a crystal clear river, look like a swamp, and a butterfly, look like a mere fly, and a blue sky, going all grey. Humanity is a terrible disease, the biggest problem to humanity is the humanity itself, its selfish nature, and the growing greed are its main symptoms. I'm not proud of being part of this despicable species, but I'm happy that I found other creatures from this species, knowing what I know, and fighting.
April 7th 2023:
All alone in this classroom, everyone here talking about their future, and I'm here with my shattered dream. It feels so bad, seeing people talk happily about their future, and I'm here, sad, realising how much I'm inferior to them. They talk with ten thousand dollars, and I'm here, poor, struggling to get money. Life has never been so awful. Maybe I should ask someone about the future, but who, everybody is so far ahead and I look like a mere below average, it feels so bad, being dumb.
April 10th 2023:
No matter what's the problem, no matter what happened or might happen, keep moving forward, even looking back is not worth it.
April 22nd 2023:
I feel like it has been ages since I wrote something down here, maybe because I thought that life is going pretty good, but a wise, yet sarcastic man once said: '' when you think that everything is going well, you must think about whether it's really okay, at least once. ''. And that's how I realised how fucked up my life is, I'm trying hard to fight against those '' gender Equality '' shit, the '' new '' genders, I'm being like the ideal son for some parents, but for those that I have, I'm far of being a '' good '' son.
April 24th 2023:
I think I love but I feel like I shouldn't, that girl also has a family protecting her from potential bad guys, even if I consider myself a good guy, they see me as a threat, so getting close to that girl should be limited to friends, not even best friends, and I don't even know what she thinks about me, a friend, an acquaintance, a stranger? I see her as a beautiful woman, mature and sometimes childish, happy, but I don't know her inner self, how she feels during the day, I'm still outside that zone of knowledge, all I want to do with her is getting into that zone and nothing more, her response will determine the rest. I want to treat her with a good meal one day but as I said, her parents see me as a stranger, and maybe even her. I bought her today something to repay her because she also bought me something to eat long ago, but I think this isn't enough, it is not, I will buy her something, I'm sure.
YOU ARE READING
a Story
Non-FictionThis book was started by a seventeen-year-old guy, who found peace in writing books, and rage in the same time, writing this story until now did give him tears he didn't want, memories he wanted to forget, and feelings he wanted them to disappear. T...
