a Story

a Story VI

August 27th 2023:

I feel like I'm going in circles, I'm hating those parents, those liars, I hate them, you are inviting people today because I got my baccalaureate, it means you are happy, but no, you just want to follow the rule, he got his baccalaureate, we need to celebrate, so people stop talking about it, I hate this, so much, they are liars. I didn't have much sleep, when they woke me up and told me to get something from outside, I told them I didn't have much sleep, she yelled that she doesn't care, sleep or don't, get me that, work on maths or don't, you're going to help us preparing. And it's not like we're going to invite outsiders, it's close family, I don't understand them, I hate these parents. Unfortunately, these raising methods are now stuck in my brain, if by any chance, in the far future, I have a kid, he might write the same story that I'm writing now, I don't want my kid to have the grudge that I have, I think of one thing, vengeance, unfortunately, I might even destroy my future to make them suffer, this is how much I hate them. Even showing their love to me, is a joke to them, showing love is buying something expensive, I don't know where they got this, but this is nonsense, now I don't speak to dad, soon I won't speak to mom, when I'll get into that school, and live there, I won't contact anyone. Just me, my roommates, and my books.

August 30th 2023:

We're now in the summer house, I'll spend a few days here and then start to work, start to study, my cousin didn't come today, so I don't have to meet people now, I don't hate meeting people but it takes a lot of energy for me to talk, hear, feel embarrassed and shut up each time I open my mouth. I'm sitting here alone, writing this, what a great relief, loneliness is somehow a blessing and a curse, depends on if you choose it, if you choose to be lonely, that's happiness, if you don't, that's sadness. Which means I'm happy, I think, I'm happy, I have chosen this path, I should be happy. Nothing but confusion is fuelling me right now, I want to walk but sit at the same time, I want to talk but stay alone at the same time, I'm a very weird person to deal with, that's a general truth.

August 31st 2023:

A friend of mine, is talking about her awful story, it's somehow worse than mine, which, unfortunately, and I hate to say it, I feel somehow relieved, I'm not the worst case, and I don't need to cut my chest, even though I stopped a while ago, and in the same time, I remember everything, I thought it was good, I forgot her voice, forgot some things about her, but now it came back, I hate it, I hate it, it hurts, but I need to calm down. Just need to think about this day, we went to the beach, I liked the sea, the waves, it was good, just keep thinking about this, just keep remembering this, just keep seeing this in your mind, NOT HER FACE, NO, STOP, yes, the beach, the waves, you sliding in the waves, doing it better than anyone, yeah like this, good. Peace of mind, that's what I feel now, just keep seeing this.

After more than a month without writing anything, the Writer has chosen to stop, stop this story sharing, and maybe restart it after he ends what's restraining him to continue, maybe then, he'll come back, to continue this unfinished story. See you soon, dear reader.

Many, many months later...