Cursed In Eternity

There's No Fun In Funeral

We drove up to an old church with a few graves up front which slowly grew into an entire cemetery. I was choking on my tears, as much as I want to see him right now I don't want to at the same time we all walked in, Pelle's bandmates from his old band Morbid were there. We all walked in Pelle's mom walked over to me putting a hand on my shoulder, "you must have been my son's girlfriend, he talked very highly of you, " she wiped her eyes. "He was a truly amazing and beautiful man, " I sniffled.

"Well how about we go see him, " she let out a stream of tears. I just nodded following behind her still a little nervous to see him. "There he is, " her voice cracked placing a hand on her son's cheek. I looked into the casket to see him, he was perfectly cleaned up not a single drop of blood on him and in a black gothic laced long sleeve shirt and some matching pants with his arms folded over his chest, still staring back. When you watch the movies, the people always look so peaceful when they die, almost like their asleep in a good dream, but not Pelle, he just looked dead, I don't know how else to describe it, but it was unsettling.

Once his mom was done she went and got some food so I approached Pelle looking at him gravely, "hey babe, I brought a few things for you, here they are your favorite color, " I held back tears. I half smiled opening up his arms and letting him hold the black roses before putting him back like he was while he held the flowers. I also put the stuffed bat plush in beside him. I bent down and kissed his forehead and pressed hard against his cold lips while running a hand down from his cheek to his cock touching him one last time. I held his hand for a second, he still had the ring I gave him on.

The people told us that they were going to close the casket soon so I let everyone bid there good byes too him before going back to him,"rest well babe, I'll never forget you, " I nearly whispered. I gave him one more final kiss then put my fingers on his eyes shutting them slowly and did the same with his mouth making his jaw click a little. We all went outside and watched them put him in the ground after we all said our final good-byes. After he was buried I placed down the vase of roses and his picture by his headstone.

I talked to him for a bit when I realised how fucked up I am, he's dead he can't hear me, so why the fuck am I still talking to him? I stood up and told him goodbye before joining back up with the others. I grabbed a glass and filled it with alcohol throwing it down my throat. My baby is in the ground and I am never going to see him again, only in pictures,"You ever wonder why he called himself Dead, " his mother came back up to me. "It's just a badass stage name, " I muttered. "No, people really hated him and he got so beat up one day at school that he died for a while, hence Dead, " she too sipped on some wine. I didn't know what to say it's all just so sad, I cried a little more and threw some more shots down my throat, the same place where Dead threw down his..... ugh I can't take this. I kept drinking and drinking, eventually one of Dead's old bandmates came up to me in worry but he was really blurry and I pushed him away.

I kept drinking to the point where everyone was concerned, very concerned, I don't know who it was but someone laid me on the couch by the window and wrapped me in a blanket. Eventually I walked over back to his mom, " can I ask you something, " I asked drunkenly stobbling over to her. "Pelle and I had a daughter together and... after she saw him I don't think she would want to stay, so I was wondering if you would want to take care of her, " I really didn't want to ask this but given Raven's age, if she was away from us she would forget and be happy, but if she stays the images of her dead father would forever haunt her. "Of course, I can't believe my Pelle had a daughter, this is honor, and I get where you're coming from, " she half smiled. I showed Raven to her and they planned on moving her in this weekend, I really didn't want to do this, but Raven doesn't deserve to be traumatized for the rest of her life, and I know putting her in Pelle's parents hands would be safe.

As the funeral came to an end I couldn't even stand up, the boys said we were going to stay the night at a hotel but I couldn't understand another word they said. One of the boys laid me down on a bed in a dark room and told me that it would be best if I get some sleep, but I couldn't. I just sat there numb and nearly motionless aside for some shaky breaths and tears staring at the blackened ceiling. I lost him, I actually lost him. Pictures of him flooded through my mind as he blushed, laughed, sang, and all of the beautiful things Pelle Ohlin would do. "Why did you leave me here, " I spoke to the ceiling. As the night drug on, I didn't move but Oystien came and checked on me, sitting on the edge of the bed, I have no clue what he was talking about and I could barely feel him squeeze my shoulder before leaving. I want to end it all.