Ocean: woah what a rush okay who's next
Karnak: Perhaps now would be a good time to say that whoever is brought back to life,
will be brought back by a unanimous vote from each and every member of the
choir.
Ocean: what-
Karnak: the choir will vote for the person who is brought back
Ocean: but if I had known that-
Karnak: you wouldn't have called every one of your potential judges a loser, crowing
about your superiority in song, culminating in you standing on top of them in a
human pyramid? That did strike me as an unorthodox strategy.
Ocean: (looks at Noel) WHAT?!?!!
Noel: what!!! You just told your “best friend” that her greatest achievement in life will
be to become an organ donor.
CONSTANCE: I’m usually more of a melody person, less of a lyric person-truthfully… “Organ
donor”? Ocean....Is that what you said?
Ocean: I was in the moment sorry I didn't mean-
Constance: awww it's okay it kinda really super hurt bu-
Jane: do you want to know what I find really super hurts
Constance: maybe later thanks sorry (Jane looks sad)
Ocean: What I did there is exactly what you shouldn’t do in this competition. You guys
know I love you!
(to MISCHA)
Mischa, I love you! I even pretended to believe in your imaginary fiancé!
MISCHA
She is not my imaginary fiancé, she is my real fiancé – on my telephone.
Ocean: I even celebrate your culturally engrained alcoholism… I mean the only reason
you’re in the choir is because you stole three boxes of communion wine.
Mischa: It was my cousin’s birthday…
(proudly)
In my country it is sacred tradition to take drink on birthday!
Ocean: Your cousin was in grade four. He had to get his stomach pumped.
(to NOEL)
Noel, I love you! You challenged my preconceived notion that all gay dudes are
fun to be around!
(Noel looks directly at the audience with a look that shows his annoyance)
Ocean: Ricky, I love you! I got you into the choir, even though you couldn’t talk or anything (Fake sadness) Accessibility for all!
Ricky: yeah and then I rode that roller coaster thanks
Ocean: (points at Jane) and her Even she gets a vote tonight (stops pointing as Jane goes behind her) we aren't the least bit concerned she's gonna try bringing back her headless doll (turns around and sees Jane) but I love her (walks away from Jane as Jane tries following her and hugging her) r! My song was a
cautionary tale of hubris—you guys know I love you! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I FREAKING LOVE YOU GUYS OKAY SO FOR MY REAL SONG I'LL BE SINGING ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU (starts singing) I LOVE YOU GUYS-
Noel: (interrupts) UGHHHHH SWEET LITTLE KID ON A BIKE MAKE HER STOP
Karnak: Noel Gruber Born March 5th Pisces Sign Of Passion Favorite ride: the Ferris wheel. Very early on in
Noel’s life… his mother realized two things. (Noel does a gay pose)
The second was his penchant for all things
nihilistic. While other children acted out Harry
Potter, Noel acted out French New Wave Cinema.
In Grade seven… During the Saint Cassian
Christmas Nativity pageant, Noel was suspended
for suddenly breaking into this excerpt from
“Waiting for Godot”
Noel: there is no room at this Inn for it is Christmas shall we hang ourselves
Jane: I hear it makes you look like breadsticks
Noel: than we must hang ourselves immediately
Constance: (as Mary) Or we could just go to the manger, Joseph.
Karnak: Aspiring Iconoclast, enfant terrible…Noel Gruber, the most romantic boy in
town.
YOU ARE READING
Ride The Cyclone Script
Humorscript ONLY FOR THE PRODUCTION MY GROUP DOES WITH THE RIGHTS (also we'll have a door bit curtains so anything with the curtains falling and rising will be us entering and leaving the door)
