Vacation

{Season 3} Chapter 29

Justin's POV.

"What did you just say?" "Justin.." She whined into her palms. There has to be a mistake. She has to be able to have kids. She has to have my kids. She looked up at my shocked expression and I know that broke her. She pushed herself to her feet and shook her head over and over. Why? "I knew it. I knew you wouldn't want me anymore." I struggled to get to my feet and by the time I was up she had disappeared. Oh no. I quickly took the envelop the doctor handed me and paid for our visit. Then I rushed around and asked if anyone had seen her. I couldn't quite describe her in a hurry of words so most people were confused. She's a mess, a storm of tears pouring from her so where would she go? I know she isn't in clear sight of everyone since she's insecure. Maybe, just maybe she went there.

Jackpot. I found her in the one spot that came to mind doubted. The car. She was curled up on the hood hugging her knees with her head resting on them. By now she had stopped her break down and tired herself out. When I finally reached the car I lightly placed my hand on her arm, making her jump. She looked over at me feared and heartbroken. Shaking my head to dismiss her insecure thoughts, I helped her off the hood and backed her against the car. "Why, Alexis..? How could you possibly believe I wouldn't want you? We've been though this same discussion so many times and it's really starting to hurt me. I try and try to prove to you that I love you with everything in me and that I would never purposely hurt you or leave you. I don't know what I can do anymore to show you the truth. You don't underst-" Her lips pushing against mine halted my words. I kissed her rougher, adding much more force but making sure to contain passion. Moments later she unconnected them and strived for her breath. "I do understand. I do know you love me, Justin. It's so clear, anyone can see it. But I've done so much wrong. You're perfect, I'm not. It's not fair that I treat you the opposite of how you do me. You're the sweetest, most caring and loving man on earth and you're a great person. You deserve someone who matches you. I'm not much like you and it's so hard to deal with that. I want the best for you and I don't feel that's me. You have no clue how many people have told me this. I'm not worthy of you. I'm nothing compared to you and others can see that. I wake up every day filled with sorrow that I can't be enough for you. I love you more than anyone can ever love anything and I just want to make you happy. I mostly fail at that and it hurts me that I can't change. I even took therapy during the Marines.. I'm so sorry, Justin. I love you so much, please don't leave me." I closed my eyes from the pain I felt at her words. She has no clue how truly perfect she is and how wrong she was. She is worthy, she is my happiness, she is a great person, she is everything she said she's not. I tilted my head to the sky and let loose the tears as I held Alexis against me tightly. So many emotions today.. I stood there for a good five minutes with her nuzzled into me and crying. I understand it all now; why we've fought so much, why we always tell each other we think we're not good enough. I get it. I will definitely have to sit her down later and talk this out. "Babydoll.. Oh my god.. You know what, we'll sort everything out later. I even have something else to discuss with you. But look at me. You were so wrong. And right now I'm just going to say I love you with all my heart and you're my everything. You're my other half and I can't ever, ever leave my other half. Don't, flat out don't doubt yourself or us together. We're perfect. And we will always be together. I promise my life on that. Okay? Just cheer up. Even after today, just cheer up and smile. Because we will sort things out and everything will be okay. Everything is okay." I pulled her face back, cupping her wet cheeks, and smiled down at her. "Okay." She whispered, allowing her fighting smile to also appear.. I was going to make things right.. I wiped her face free of tears and led her to the passenger side of the car. Today would be a 'settle everything out' day but tomorrow, tomorrow I had plans.

"No, come back here." I stopped Alexis from dodging me and locking herself in a room to be depressed. I made her sit on the bed and face me, no matter how much she didn't want this right now. When she got the realization that she would be staying through this conversation, she scooted to the center and crossed her legs, signaling she was ready. Before explaining, I did the same thing and took her hand in mine. "This isn't about loving each other this time or being a good partner. This time it's about being on the same page and staying on the same page. I realized earlier why we've truly fought so much. Do you know why?" "No." As if a frightened little girl, she shook her head looking away. "We're both doubting ourselves and trying to change. We want the same things but we're doing them different ways and not noticing the caution. We aren't on the same page. All we have to do to stop the downs between us is work together and be open with one another. Do you understand that? Because I'm sure as hell ready to have our perfect marriage and treat you like the princess you deserve to be treated as." "I-I get it. I'm ready for that. That's what this vacation trip is mainly about. Working on getting to that position." I took my free hand from covering hers and stroked her jaw. The longer I stared at her features the more I saw the teenage Alexis. I saw my best friend again. I saw the young, relaxed, out going girl I fell for. "Exactly.." "Justin, what's going on? Why are you giving me that look and acting like that?" She stuck her arm out an pushed me back as I was falling toward her. I was just so lost in the memories and her angelic face that I lost my concentration. I quickly snapped from the daze and turned my head to the side. If she sees that I'm crying she'll freak. "Justin? Please don't." She crawled around my side and reached to tap my tear drops away. Again, I covered her small hand with both of my larger ones. I brought it to my lips and lingered them there.. I wouldn't survive through the hardships in life without her.. She's my everything. Literally. "Come here." I quietly croaked to her and leaned back so she could crawl on my lap. After she was settled I circled my arms around her and pecked her cheek. "Do you ever.. think that we've maybe forced ourselves to grow up a lot faster?" "Sometimes. We did get married as teenagers and we were only together for a few months." "But we've been best friends for our whole life. Things were perfect. What went wrong?" "We wanted things to move quicker than we could handle. We did force too much and didn't realize." "And now we're only adding more on." "That doesn't mean we have to give up. We've made it this far." "I know, you're right. True love lasts through anything. We have true love, don't we?" "Of course we do. That's how we've lasted. And I believe we can make this work flawlessly." "I do too, Baby. We'll start fresh soon and everything will be fine. I promise." Alexis's bony hands gripped my face and tilted my head back seconds before her lips crashed with mine. I held her in a tighter embrace, making us fall back on the mattress. Giggling, she pulled away and straightened, a sigh released. "You know, I think something isn't right about the results." "As in?" "Something doesn't feel right when it's said you can't have any kids. Has anyone else in your family not been able to?" "No. Everyone's even had at least three kids." "Three?" "Mhm." "Then why don't you have siblings?" "I'm a middle child but the other two died a few days after birth. My mom says I'm a miracle." "You are a miracle, Love. And I'm sorry you didn't get the experience of having a brother or sister." "Thanks.." I frowned seeing her become upset again. "Hey, it'll be alright." "I know. I'm just realizing how jacked up my life has been. It has so much in it that I always wished I wouldn't have." "Like what?" "Abusive parents. Lose of my brothers. Lose of my sisters.. I don't know.." I nodded but smiled at her. She's a tough girl, a strong person. "I'm proud of you. You've been so strong and brave through everything. And you've had a lot throw at you in life yet you're still steady on your feet." Without a response she laid down on top of me, still straddling me, and hugged my torso. "You love me, Babygirl?" "Very much." My grin appeared and I kissed Alexis's head.. I married the greatest girl in the world, the best fish in the sea.