TTBTS- SKZ Han or Felix X Female character

37: Jake

(IDK WHAT TITLE I SHOULD NAME THIS CHAPTER SKSKSKSKSKKS)

It had been 3 days since the kidnapping escape saga happened and Stray Kids and Shadows mutually decided to stay low for a week. Each had their reasons but they justified this action by saying they were being hunted in the same way as they were hunting them.

Stray Kids decided to focus on school a little since their exams were coming up. Chae was also feeling a bit ignored since they were barely spending time with her due to missions, and then there was the matter of Makato and Haruto. Those two were getting suspicious of them and their mysterious 'jobs', so they had to take care of them too.

Han was having some really rough days. His life kept going in circles for some reason, and he couldn't control anything. It was weighing on him, causing him to spiral slowly.

He was painfully spiraling and he couldn't stop it. It wasn't that he wasn't doing anything about it, no. He was trying so freakin hard to get some grasp but he was failing miserably. And the worst thing about it all was that everyone was starting to notice. He was sleeping less, getting more and more fidgety all the time, eating less, and feeling drained all the time, everyone was bound to notice at some point.

Chanhad whispered in his ears after dinner that they could talk about anything on his mind, Felix had cuddled him to sleep one movie night, Hyunjin had given him half of his ice cream bucket, Changbin somehow mysteriously always had some of his favorite snacks on him, Minho was randomly hugging him, and there were so many more examples of how everyone was caring about him. Even Chae had asked if he was okay because of his eyebags. 

Jisung was screwed. Completely and utterly screwed. So much on his mind, and even if he had people he could talk to about it, he had no idea what to talk about. All the thoughts were so loud all the time, he couldn't form even one on the tip of his tongue. 

And then there were his parents. Oh hell, they were always on him about his studies, but it got harsher whenever his exams approached. They would call every day, and check on him all the time, and not in a caring way like Jisung wanted. No, they never asked him how he was doing, or if he had eaten, or if he was happy. No, they always asked him if how much he had studied, what exam was his best, why he had lost that one mark, why wasn't his percentage a complete hundred, why he had been slacking off. Jisung hated them so much.

Jisung would normally talk to his brother who he wished he could live with his entire life, but his brother was having some of his own issues in his university and Jisung couldn't just disturb him whenever he wanted. No matter what, he had his own life to take care of too and Jisung wasn't a kid. he had to grow up and take care of himself.

And then there was Cho. Jisung hated her so freakin much, he surprised himself sometimes. She had broken him so badly. Twisted him, destroyed him, annihilated him. And it wasn't him that got destroyed. It was more than him. It was the people he had destroyed because of her. He had pushed away his friends, bullied Yoona, and become someone he hated. He had become so much like Cho, it scared him.

The other day, he had said to Luna in the sewers it wasn't fair that she was judging him based on someone else, but he had done the same. 

He wanted to cry. He ruined everything he ever touched. He hated himself so much for it.

And maybe he was ruining his own self too. He hated himself and wanted to fix himself, but in the end, he ruined himself too.

He was his own worst enemy.

------------------------------------------------