30 ~ Everything was a lie

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Knock

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Knock

Knock

The sudden sound at the door jostles me out of my sleep, I slowly manage to open my eyes, each of my eyelids feeling like a heavy log for crying since hours, My mind feels so scattered, trying to navigate through a stormy sea without a compass.

Sunlight flooding through the entire room makes me squint my eyes

I don't even remember when I have slept yesterday ,

The mirror in front of me makes me realize that I look like a chaotic mess , My eyes red and swollen, my hair a shamble ,

I try to cajole myself but I fail. It's like I am trying to keep all the plates spinning at once, but feeling like they're about to crash down at any moment.

More tears spill out of my eyes.

There is a knock again.

Their househelp aunty is standing in front of me with a huge tray in her hand.

Two big glasses of coloured water , I don't even know what they are, and 5-6 bowls of some stuff on the plate.

" Hi, how are you?" She walks past me and keeps the tray on the table. I immediately go to the washroom to wash my face and make myself look a little normal instead of a zombie

" What are these aunty?" I move forward to inspect the tray.

" This is banana milk shake and this is oats strawberry smoothie , these are almonds, walnuts, cashews, raisins, pistachios, dates, And you have to finish all of them in front of me" She orders me just like a mother.

What the hell is she even saying !

Who eats so many things that too early in the morning.

I am still coping up with a deep, aching pain in the core of my heart, as if a part of me has been torn away.

I can't focus on food now, There is a rollercoaster of emotions, from intense sadness to anger to betrayal.

" I won't be able to eat so many things " I whisper faintly, I am already feeling too nauseous and I can't handle all these now.

" No, you have to eat in front of me " She forwards me a glass.

I give her an exhausted smile and slouch on the bed. I am feeling so tired from my relentless crying sessions.

But I don't want her to feel insulted and unheard.

" I will eat them later, okay , also thank you "I try to put up a forced smile.

She stands in front of me with a frown trying to scrutinize my face,

I instantly turn away, I don't want her to see a mess of me and counter another embarrassment.

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