Surviving Stirling

Chapter Twenty Seven

He had opened my eyes to things that had never even occurred to me before and now I couldn't stop staring at him like I was seeing him in an entirely different light.

Inward thoughts soaked through me, I felt sad. No, I felt heartbroken to know and imagine all of the terrible things he had gone through before he came to live with Sandy.

A child, alone, willingly and selflessly putting himself through torture because the love of his brother was so immense he wanted to protect him at any and all cost.

It made my heart swell, it made me see him.

It made me love him.

Headlights from a passing car illuminated my face and he took his eyes off the road to glance my way, "can you stop looking at me like that?"

I breathed in deeply through my nose, there was no point in not being honest, he could see right through me anyway.

"I can't help it Stirling. I feel so incredibly sad for you, I just want to hug you tight."

"We already tried that earlier tonight and it was extremely awkward." He tried to make a joke but I didn't feel much like smiling.

I wanted to cry.

How impressionable and vulnerable a child's mind is and I just know his experiences changed him. I have no idea who he was, or who he would be if he hadn't been subjected to such abuse but I know deep down he has a good heart.

He worked twice as hard to be bad because of Kingsley. Kingsley worked twice as hard to be good because of Stirling. In the end, I don't think either brother won the reward of true happiness.

"Seriously Anderson, quit staring you're making me feel weird. It's not that deep, all of that stuff happened a long time ago and I'm over it."

He's not over it. How can he even say that?

He still feels the need to be cruel to people. Still has his guard raised. Plus, don't even get me started on the nightmares, clearly he relives his childhood every night through them.

"I brought it all on myself and I would do it all over again. I made sure I was the loudest in the room. I burdened my back with the wrongdoings of others so I would naturally get the blame every time. I willingly made the name 'troublemaker' for myself. I wasn't some poor little victim, I was playing them."

"But you shouldn't have to."

"No you're right I shouldn't have, but you use the cards you're dealt with and get on with it."

"What if the orphanage is still like that today and nobody is helping those poor kids?"

"It's not, the orphanage closed down a few years ago for inhabitable conditions and the leaders who knew of the abuse and either participated in it or let it happen are all dead."

My eyes widened in surprise, "they're all dead?"

He gave me a small glance, raising his brows at me, "suspicious, no?"

"You killed them?" I jabbered, loud and high pitched because I was actually shocked.

Sometimes I separate reality from fiction. I know Stirling says he kills people, it's just hard to believe or imagine - not that I'd want to, but to me he doesn't seem quite evil enough to take another persons life.

He squirmed a little in his seat, keeping his eyes trained to the road, "I wouldn't exactly put it like that."

"So how would you put it?"

He smiled at me sinisterly, "I wouldn't put it into words at all, that would be stupid."

Wheels crunched the rocks as the car pulled to a stop in the parking bay next to his house. I looked up at his cabin, the warm glow of lights shining through the window made everything seem welcoming.