A Life Made In A Movie. A Very Bad Movie [DAVEKAT]

CHAPTER 16: Everything Has Its Reason

become dave strudel

It had been two days since The Incident. The Incident = me being a huge fucking idiot and not thinking that Karkat would be all awkward after I literally kissed the guy. The only "at least" in this situation was probably that he still talked to me when he needed to. Or just when he wanted to. It just wasn't as much as before. 
With the two days thing, it's probably already obvious that it's a Wednesday. It's after school, Karkat had his head down on my desk, and I was just sitting on my bed staring at him. Not in a weird way, he just looked tired. 

"You okay?" I asked him casually, scooting back to sit up straight. The creature just looked over at me with a lazy blink, pencil still in hand. 

"DO I LOOK OKAY?"

"No."

"FUCK YOU," Karkat flopped his head back down and I tried not to crack up as I thought of a response that I totally wasn't going to actually say. 

"Damn, at least take me out to dinner first," I said it anyway. Fuck my life. Especially because the response to my response was a pencil thrown directly at my forehead. It was the eraser side, so it didn't hurt, but I fell backwards anyway. 

"No, but really. What's wrong?" I stayed laying down, taking off my shades, folding them and setting them to the side when I remembered he was okay with my eyes. I always forgot. 

"UGH... A LOT OF THINGS," Karkat answered very vaguely which helps nothing.

"As in...?" I made a motion with my hand that quite clearly meant "go on".
He spun the chair around to face me, doing the weird little anime head scratch thing. I couldn't tell if he was doing it out of habit or if the back of his head was just randomly itchy. 

"AS IN KANKRI IS DEAD, MY SLEEP SCHEDULE IS SHIT, YOUR DUMB ASS DECIDED TO KISS ME YESTERDAY AND I STILL DON'T KNOW THE REASON WHY, AND... AND WHAT ELSE... OH YEAH, I FORGET EVERYTHING NOW, SO THAT'S ALSO AWESOME."

I was going to say something, but the truth was that I had no idea how to say comforting words whatsoever. The only thing that ended up coming out of my mouth was one word. "Damn."

"YEAH, BECAUSE THAT'S PROBABLY THE ONLY WORD TO DESCRIBE ANY OF THAT," Karkat rolled his eyes and got up, belly flopping onto my bed and landing directly next to me. He propped himself up on his hands, looking up at me tiredly but innocently. "MIND EXPLAINING, STRIDER? BECAUSE MY THINK PAN HAS FELT LIKE IT'S BEEN DOING ACROBATIC FLIPS AROUND MY NUGBONE AND FAILING EVERY ATTEMPT MISERABLY FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS."

"Well, Karkles, it was kind of... impulsive I guess? Why, did you like it?" Pillow to the face by Karkat Vantas. Exactly what I knew would happen. 

"I DON'T KNOW!!! THAT'S THE PROBLEM! DID YOU WANT ME TO LIKE IT?"

I froze at the question, but my body made me feel like I was doing the opposite of freezing. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Karkat's confused stare made it even worse. 

"I... don't know either."

Everything went silent for a moment until Karkat sighed the loudest sigh ever sighed. "WELL THAT DOESN'T HELP ANY OF MY PROBLEMS," He shook his head. 

"Well, I don't know because I don't know if you want me to want you to have liked it."

"I WASN'T EVEN KEEPING TRACK OF WHAT YOU JUST SAID, BUT IT SOUNDED LIKE I WOULDN'T HAVE UNDERSTOOD IT ANYWAY."

I just shook my head and went back to whatever I was doing. Even I had forgotten. I just wanted to fix everything, but I knew I couldn't. Every single one of his problems was something I couldn't do anything about, and that made me hate myself, made me wish I could do more for him. 
When I looked back over at the little guy, he had his eyes closed and was basically hugging a pillow against his head. It wasn't weird to think of him as cute anymore, was it? I didn't think of it that way, at least. I had quite literally kissed him. He just looked so peaceful but so tired an angry at the same time. I didn't know how he did it, showed some of his emotions so clearly and was also able to see right through other people like freshly scrubbed windows. To me he was practically magical. 
I finally found the courage to speak again after about two entire minutes of rambling to myself through my thoughts.