Is This Love? [Shubman Gill x Ishan Kishan]

Chapter Three

Ishan wakes up gasping for air, feeling pain in his chest from the anxiety. The nightstand reads 3AM. The jet lag must have caught up to him because he feels disoriented. He sits up, looking to his right. James is still fast asleep, snoring.

He gets up and quietly dresses, careful to not wake up James and slips out of the apartment.

The walk back to the hotel is sobering. Any remaining alcohol in his system is quickly drained when he comes to terms with what he's done. Time and time again, he promises himself that this is the end. He promises himself that he's going to start leading a normal life– a heterosexual life.

No matter how hard he tries, he can't shake the feeling of guilt and confusion.

When he reaches his room, he notices that Shubman still isn't back. The empty room feels oppressive, and Ishan heads to the bathroom. As he rinses his mouth and splashes water on his face, he looks at himself in the mirror. The reflection staring back at him is a mix of regret and sadness. He doesn't want to live this life anymore. He doesn't want to live this secret anymore.

He takes a shaky breath before going back to his bed and collapsing on it. He thinks of his parents, his brother, his family– everyone who is counting on him to make something of himself.

Ishan knows that he can't disappoint them– he won't disappoint them. Even if it means he needs to live a life where he's losing himself.

The team has an exhilarating match against England, barely letting them make runs. The atmosphere in the locker room is electric, everyone celebrating the hard-earned victory.

"Dude, that was amazing!" Ishan exclaimed, clapping Shubman on the back. "I told you that you were going to bounce back."

Shubman grins, his eyes shining with excitement, "Yeah, it feels good."

"Are you finally gonna take me to get ice cream?" Ishan asks, leaning against the lockers, looking up at Shubman.

Shubman's smile drops and he curses under his breath, "Fuck, I totally forgot about that. I'm going out with that girl again."

Ishan's heart sinks at Shubman's words, but he forces a smile, "Oh, how was the date the other night?"

"It was..." Shubman's cheeks flush slightly, and he looks away. He scratches the back of his neck, "Nice. She's sweet."

A wave of jealousy washes over Ishan, so intense that it takes him by surprise. He's not sure he even knows where these feelings are coming from, but he can't shake them.

"That's great, man. I'm happy for you," He says, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Thanks, yaar," Shubman replies before looking down at his phone. "I'm gonna get back to the hotel and change, are you coming with me or Hardik bhai?"

Ishan gestures towards Hardik, "Have fun."

Shubman smiles before waving, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Mhm," Ishan hums, watching Shubman leave the locker room.

He flinches when he feels someone place their arm around his shoulders.

It's Surya "Udaas mat ho, main tumhen ice cream khilaane le jaoonga (Don't be sad, I'll take you for ice cream)," The older man says, pinching Ishan's cheek.

Hardik snorts from across the two men, "He's upset his best friend isn't giving him attention."

"It's okay, yaar," Surya assures, "Same story for everyone."

"Tum logo shadi shuda ho (You guys are married)," Ishan comments, rolling his eyes.

"Chalo chalo, bhabhi aur meri sath ice cream kha lo (Come on, just eat ice cream with your sister-in-law and me)," Surya replies before pulling out his wallet and waving it in front of Ishan. "I'll pay."