Is This Love? [Shubman Gill x Ishan Kishan]

Chapter Fourteen

tw: homophobia, suicidal thoughts 

Ishan tugs at his tie as he's sitting in Jay Shah's office. He keeps glancing around the office, trying to distract himself from the situation at hand. He's sitting here and waiting for the man to decide his future. If he's taken out of the squad for the world cup, he can kiss his career goodbye. But he's allowed to play, he can prove to the world that it doesn't matter if he's gay, he's still an important player to the team.

The past 24 hours have been a walking nightmare. Watching everyone comment on the video, dissecting every frame of the video, has been hard. He's watching the video to no resolve, he's just as lost as everyone else. Some people are commenting that he was drugged, some people are commenting that he was drunk, some saying that he was threatened into making the video. And he can't confirm or deny anything because doesn't know what's happened to him either.

His brother refuses to speak to him if it isn't about managing the situation, and no matter how much he apologizes– how much begs for his forgiveness, he knows deep down that it'll never come. His parents arrived in Mumbai last night but they also refuse to speak to him, choosing to stay at his brother's apartment rather than his.

The door opens and he quickly stands up, turning around to greet Jay. He extends a hand but the man ignores it, instead gesturing for him to sit down.

"Sit down, sit down," Jay says before making his way over to his own seat. He settles down in his chair before offering Ishan a smile, "I know the past day must have been tough."

Ishan nods, swallowing the lump that's forming in his throat, "Yes, sir."

Jay nods in understanding before sighing, "Here's the situation, Ishan. I don't think we can keep you on the squad for this year's T20 World Cup."

"Please, sir, I promise you I'm a good player. I have the stats to prove it, I-I've done so well in the IPL this year," Ishan replies, tone close to begging.

"I know you have and that's why you were chosen but I don't think it's very practical for us to have you in the squad, at least this year. Quite frankly, I don't think the other conservative countries are going to be comfortable playing with India when you're on the team," Jay explains, pulling his chair closer to his desk and placing his hands on the desk. "I don't want to be mean, I'm just being realistic."

"Sir, please, if we can just ignore this and focus on cricket, I am a good player. I've improved a lot in the past six months, I've made the most scores this IPL season," Ishan begs, tone pleading. "I haven't even confirmed that I am gay or if that was just a coerced video–"

Jay cuts Ishan off, standing up, "I don't think it'll make a difference, Ishan." He sighs before moving closer to the door, "You seem a little distressed, we can talk about this after the World Cup."

Without thinking twice, Ishan gets off his seat and kneels down in front of Jay, touching his feet, "Please sir, I'm begging you. Please just give me this chance. I'll prove myself."

Jay moves back, "Ishan, this is out of my hands."

"Please, sir, just this one chance. If India loses, you can ban me from Indian cricket. You won't have to see me anywhere near cricket, just please don't take this away from me," Ishan continues begging, tears falling down his face. He brings his hands together, pleading, "Cricket is my life and I'm willing to give it up if I don't bring home the World Cup this year."

Jay takes a deep breath before helping Ishan up, "Go home, Ishan. I'll think about it. You can beg but the truth is there's a lot of cricket players in India that aren't gay that can help bring the world cup home."