SHE'S NOT A SAINT (MIKHAIAH) by: Pinkvettes

Chapter 4: think about what you did

Mikha

I sat on my couch scrolling through pictures of me and Colet that we had just taken. We've been together the whole day watching movies, eating, and just having great time in each other's company. Now we were both on our phones, silently agreeing to call it a day.

"Huy ang pangit ko diyan! Wag mo yan ipopost ha." She moved closer to me on the couch and started swiping to see the rest of our photos. "Ito na lang, para hindi lang ikaw yung maganda." She said when she landed on a photo of us that she liked, making me blush.

To be honest, I was just looking at our photos without even the intention to post them. Hesitation lingered in my head, I thought it would make me feel too exposed, which was odd because I've never had any problem with expressing myself through social media in the past.

Somehow, it always links back to her. To Aiah.

What would she feel if nakita niya to? I didn't want to always live in fear of how she would react, but we were already in a bad place, and flaunting my happiness in front of her social media will surely drop us down even further. And I didn't want that. I wasn't planning to lose her completely because of problems na pwede pa namang maayos.

"Lalim naman ng iniisip neto, do you need help sa icacaption mo?" she laughed softly.

I gave her an apologetic look. I knew na sometimes you just want someone to show you off, and I had a feeling this was one test she was subtly making me take to see if this, us, could work. "Ah, ano kasi, Colet. I think next time na lang. Si Aiah kasi.."

"Aiah, of course." she sounded like she was mocking me

"We're in a tight spot."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"I just don't want her to interpret this the wrong way, hindi ko siya pinapansin and if she sees me this happy with someone I just met-"

"Okay, sorry. So I'm someone you just met. And she's your best friend. Gets ko naman, I won't push this further."

She sighed and it felt heavier than it sounded. "I'm really sorry. It won't always be like this, Colet."

"Then hanggang kailan? Not to judge, ha. You're free to stop me if I'm wrong, since nakabase lang naman ako from my encounters with her these past days, yung mga kwento mo, kwento ng ibang tao. Pero.." She moved even closer while her fingertips roamed around my hand.

Kwento ng ibang tao? From the moment I heard that, I knew I was gonna take whatever she said with a grain of salt. Even though magkaaway kami, she was still my best friend. I was still her girl. I know never to mind what other people say about her, kasi ako ang nakakakilala sakanya. Everyone sees Aiah's flaws or strong personality that may be too unconventional for them, but I see behind all of those.

"With Aiah in your life, hindi ba mahirap to maintain other relationships?"

"What do you mean? We're best friends. I have other friends, and siya rin. We have mutual friends too. Never naman naging problem yun." I realized I cut her off, and slight tension hung in the air. How quickly can a once happy situation escalate because of Aiah. This seemed to be a recurring thought these past days.

"Mikha, I think you know what I actually mean, kaya ka nagiging defensive. I'm just merely thinking na it might not hurt to set some boundaries. Mas makakabuti ito both for you and her. Yung hindi nagrerevolve sa ibang tao yung conversations mo with someone else. Something as simple as posting a photo online shouldn't involve her anymore, it's not normal."

I stayed quiet. I didn't know how to respond. I didn't like someone else psychoanalyzing my relationship with Aiah and telling me what's normal and what's not. Hindi niya kami kilala, the connection we share, It was as essential as breathing. Kahit ako, I've grappled with the complexity of what we have but somewhere along the way, I stopped trying to understand us and lived with the fact that our bond was undefinable by words. We had our own language that was much more than mere letters put together, and that was enough for me.