Corrupt

Chapter 25

"So?" Quinn says, as we, once again, make the journey back towards the castle. Her added guidance, compared to my mindless trek earlier, leaves me a lot more reassured.

"So... What?"

"What is it with you and Daeva?"

A gently blossoming smile. My lips pressed to their cheek. The golden flecks glowing in their wide eyes. 

"I- Nothing." 

"Please don't lie. I've been a mother. I know a lie when I see one."

I've been a mother. Past tense. Under the sarcastic tone, there's another hidden story, another loss.

"Well, I... I think I... I..."

"You love them?" she asks.

"No. Yes. Maybe. I... I don't know."

"I'd stick with the 'no' if I were you. Based on... Well, I don't think they're the easiest lover." 

"Based on what?"

"I don't have a particular name to give you. What I mean is... They've had others before. I'm sure you've heard that already. And... Well, Daeva was done with them pretty quickly."

They've had others before. A twinge of envy twists in my chest, though I wish it wouldn't. Despite my best intentions, I find myself turning over rebel names in my mind, wondering if Daeva knows even more that I'm yet to discover. Of course I'm not the first. But a part of me had hoped that, perhaps, to them, I was... Different.

"I... I see." 

"So let me get this straight..." Quinn mutters slowly, helping me over a log. "You're supposed to love Nikolas, and you think he loves you, but you're not sure, and you think you love Daeva, but you're not sure?" 

"Um... Yes. I think that just about captures it." 

"Nikolas never had another wife, right?"

"No." 

"So you're set to be the first. Well, congratulations, I suppose."

"I don't think he loves me. He just wants to keep an eye on me."

"Maybe," Quinn responds simply. 

Is that what Daeva's doing, too? Are these feelings solely mine? Are they just... Keeping an eye on me?

"I... Can I tell you something?" I mumble. I haven't known Quinn for more than a few hours, but she feels safe, someone I can trust. No doubt she can fight - all of the rebels terrify me - but she was a mother. And, right now, I just feel like a lost child. 

"Yeah, sure."

"I know it's selfish, but I just... I wish none of this had happened. I wish that I didn't care. Because I'd do anything, anything for one more normal day. A day where I didn't have to be scared of Nikolas, or worried for Daeva." 

"You never have to be worried for Daeva. They're the strongest person I know." 

"I know. But I am. Because... I think I might be... In love. With them. And I wish I wasn't." 

"I get it," Quinn replies calmly. "I think we all do that, in a way. When you lose something... Someone... You know it's gone. Yet you can't help but imagine." We fall into silence then, her words rebounding across my mind. 

You know it's gone. 

Katie. Hetty. My old life.

Yet you can't help but imagine.

I can't imagine this war away. 

The landscape gradually becomes more familiar. Eventually, Quinn comes to a halt.

"Good luck, Lynette," she says, with a smile.

"Thank you. Can you... Can you tell Daeva I'm sorry?" 

"Shall do. And, between you and me... I think they're sorry too." 

I have no words in return, so I just turn and head back to my cage. 

As soon as I reenter, I head towards my old quarters; I need to see Drea. I'm sure Nikolas is already on his way to hunt me down. I'm sure he has a lot of questions for me. But I need to see her. 

Eerily, the servants' corridor is completely silent. Drea is not in her room, and neither are the others. In fact, I realise, the whole of Carcaseau seems bizarrely hushed. 

It doesn't take me long to find out why. 

Inside the main hall, it seems the entirety of the staff have gathered. I worm my way along the edge of the crowd, standing on tiptoe in an attempt to spot Drea. She'll know what's going on. Where is she? I have to talk to her. I can hardly see anything over the packed group. 

"Lynette!" Somewhere to my left, a familiar voice.

"El?" A frantic search allows me to spot Eloise and Ashia amongst the pack. Drea will be nearby. "El, Ash, wha-"

"You're back. Thank goodness." Eloise's face, usually full of mischief, is instead an uncanny expression of grief. Ashia is the same as she pulls me in for a tight hug. Over her shoulder, I scan for Drea's familiar stature, but I can't find her.

"What's going on? Where's Drea?" 

"You haven't heard?" Ashia says gently.

"Heard what?" 

She sighs and ushers me slowly through the group, to the front. Now I can see why we're all here - there's a body laid on the ground. 

No.

Yellow fabric, dusty curls.

It can't be, it can't be, it can't be...

But it is. 

My heart drops from my chest. An animalistic wail echoes across the marble walls. I think it's my own. 

It can't be...

It is. 

It's Drea.