Fior Di Latte and Blue Bubblegum

Drinking to forget ?

Shota Aizawa is coming down the stairs. The house is quiet; it's already two in the morning. His eyes are still a bit puffy and red; he comes down to the fridge and takes a beer out of it. Opening the beer, he leans onto the counter and begins to drink. Another beer, two, three...

- Dad...?

The voice is coming from the stairs. Aizawa turns around to see Hitoshi standing in the stairway. He goes down the last few steps and slowly walks towards Aizawa. 

- Dad, put the bottle down.

- Hitoshi, I'm sorry...

- Don't apologize, just... Please, put the beer down.

Mentally cursing himself, he does as told. "Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have." He slowly lets himself slide down the counter's side to the ground, sitting on the kitchen floor. "I shouldn't have. I shouldn't..."

- I shouldn't have... I shouldn't have...

He's grounded back into reality by Hitoshi, who's gently taking his hands in his.

- Dad. Don't worry. I'll be fine. But you have to stop drinking now.

Nodding slowly, Aizawa realizes that his hands are shaking. 

- Shit. I'm so sorry.

- Hey. Breath in, breath out. It'll be alright. 

Taking slow breaths in and out, Shota finally calms down after a few minutes. 

- I'm sorry, Hitoshi. Are you... Are you alright ?

- Don't worry about me. I'm alright.

"He isn't alright, and I know it. His father was an alcoholic, and I know it triggers him when I drink. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't..." His thoughts get interrupted by the feeling of Shinso wrapping his arms around him

- Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Just... Please, don't drink more. 

Leaning onto the hug, Aizawa lets a tear roll down his cheek. He wouldn't have let himself show emotion that easily if he hadn't been under the influence. He hesitates, then hugs his son back, still slightly shaking.

- Sorry... I know I shouldn't have.

- I know what day it is.

Not shaking anymore, Aizawa just smiles sadly, resting his head on Shinso's shoulder. They both stay quiet for a few minutes until the older one finally breaks the hug and slowly gets up, quickly followed by his son.

- You should take a shower to relax a bit, okay ? Call me if needed.

- Yeah, I'll just... I'll go. 

Putting the half-empty beer back in the fridge under Shinso's watch, he slowly goes up the stairs to the bathroom. He locks the door behind him and begins to collect the Polaroids, letters and his old diary from the floor, putting them on a shelf, then he takes off his clothes and steps into the shower. He closes the curtain and sighs, closing his eyes as he turns the water on. He directs the showerhead to his chest, then turns the temperature up, higher, higher, higher...

- Maybe... Maybe it'll wake me up... 

Higher... And higher...

- Please... Please wake up...

His body is starting to ache as the temperature of the water rises up again. His breath quickens and he lets his head fall back, his skin turning red under the hot water. It stings, especially his arms, but he doesn't care. 

- Wake up...

He lets himself fall to his knees. Sitting on the shower's floor, he lets the water run through his hair, on his face, his tears blending with the water that the shower head is spitting out. He begins to sob behind the closed curtain of his shower. Turning the water off, he stays there, curled up into a ball on the shower's cold cast iron floor. He puts his head in his arms, his breath slowly getting back to normal as the temperature goes back down. 

Putting a hand to his chest, he hopes to shut down the terrible pain he's been feeling, the one that has never left him since Oboro's death; a feeling as if he has a black hole where his heart should be, swallowing the pieces of him from the inside, leaving nothing but void behind them. Sometimes, the void hurts physically, but sometimes, he feels nothing else than emptiness. And he doesn't know which one he hates more.

After a moment, he gets back up and dries himself with a towel after getting out of the shower; his feet meet the soft shower rug, offering a weird sense of comfort. He dries his face, then his body, and gets into his pajamas. 

When he opens the door, he notices that Hitoshi has probably gone to bed, now. Hesitating on whether he should go check on him or not, he stands there for a few seconds, but then he picks up the Polaroids and the letters, as well as his old diary, and goes down to the living room in order to avoid bothering Hizashi, who's probably sleeping by now. Making himself cozy on the sofa, next to his sleeping bag, he turns the light on and opens his diary, looking for the page that's about the 6th of may of that year.