Timeless

Chapter 12: Buck

Evan was distracting himself, or at least he was trying. He had scrubbed every inch of the house, but he continued to clean because he didn't know how else to cope. He hadn't heard from Eddie in over a week. He knew that his husband wasn't able to write to him while he was on his mission, but Evan thought he would have been back by now. He had gotten so used to hearing from Eddie every day with his constant stream of letters that this silence was becoming deafening. Hence the cleaning.

Christopher didn't seem to care too much about his papa's internal crisis. He was too focused on his dinosaur stuffies and his show that was currently playing on the TV in the living room. Evan couldn't help but be thankful for that honestly. Chris had been his stability through all of this. His son was happy in the uncertainty that came with Eddie being on tour. He was glad that Chris wasn't able to process much of what was happening. Evan didn't think he would be able to handle that.

As he started to scrub the same part of the counter that he cleaned five minutes ago, he heard the front door open.

"Hey, Ev," he heard Maddie say. He had given her a key as soon as she officially got into her new place. He heard her set her things down before coming into the kitchen.

"Hey, Mads," he smiled. "Everything ok?"

"Oh yeah. I've just been unpacking all morning and I needed a break," she laughed. "And I wanted to see Chris."

"Not even your own brother? You wound me, Maddie."

"My nephew is cuter than you. I'm sorry," she laughed, before looking around the kitchen. "Have you been stress cleaning?"

"Maybe," Evan sighed, setting down his rag. "I haven't heard from Eddie."

"But I thought he was on his mission," Maddie said, moving into the living room. She picked Chris up and brought him over to the couch.

"Maddie," Chris giggled, wiggling in his aunt's arms. His speech still wasn't perfect but he had progressed so much in his new school and with his new therapists. Evan was so proud of him.

"He was. But I thought he would be back by now. He said it would only be a few days. I mean I know that there are probably other factors going into this, but I'm just not used to radio silence, you know?"

"You don't know what happened, Ev. Eddie is in an environment where things are constantly happening. Maybe, their mission ran long and they're stuck for a while. There are so many things that could have happened that aren't the worst possible scenario. You can't let the 'what if' consume you. It'll eat you alive."

Maddie was right. Evan had to stay positive. If not for himself, for Chris. He couldn't be distracted by what was happening across the world when his son was right in front of him and needed him.

"I know. I can't wait until this is all over," he sighed, leaning back against the couch. "I just want him home."

"I know you do," Maddie smiled, putting a comforting hand on his knee. "I'm so happy for you, Evan. You really have built the life you have always wanted."

"I didn't build it. I swear some days it feels like it fell into my lap. But nonetheless, I know I am the luckiest man in the world."

They sat and talked for a while. Maddie was finally starting to get settled in her new place. She was starting at one of the local hospitals the next week. She was excited for a change of pace and a new environment. Like Evan, El Paso was never Maddie's home. She moved there to escape, now she was moving to set up her own life. Soon they were interrupted by a knock at the front door.

"Were you expecting anybody?" Maddie asked.

"Not today," Evan said, standing from the couch. "Might be a package. I'll be right back."

He made his way to the front door and opened it, expecting to see a delivery driver dropping a package at their door. Instead, it was much worse. Two men, dressed in Army dress uniforms stood before him. He felt his heart sink to his feet.

"Are you Evan Buckley?" one of them asked.

Buckley-Diaz , he thought before finding his voice again. "Yes."

The other man handed him an envelope. It wasn't like the ones Eddie would send. It looked professional, something that they don't hand out very often unless...

"We're very sorry," the first man said before they both turned and walked away. Evan was left there frozen, not wanting to move. He didn't want to process what was happening. He was waiting to wake up from the nightmare.

"Ev, what's going on?" he heard Maddie call from the living room. He shut the door and slowly made his way back to his sister and his son. He felt his hands shaking and he couldn't make them stop. He held it out to Maddie, not trusting his voice. He felt like if he tried to talk he would just fall apart. She took the envelope from him and read who it was from before setting Chris back in his playpen.

"We'll be right back, buddy," she told him. Luckily Chris was too focused on his show to notice the state his papa was in. Maddie led him into the kitchen.

"Do you want me to open it?" she asked. Evan felt like he couldn't breathe. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening. Right? Eddie promised he'd come home.

"I don't want this to be real," he whispered, a tear falling down his cheek as he leaned against the counter.

"I know."

"Can you read it? I don't think I can."

"Of course," she said, opening the letter. Evan found himself picking at his nails, a nervous habit he thought he had quit. He just needed to do something to try and stop his hands from shaking.

"Mr. Buckley, you were listed as the primary contact for soldier Edmundo Diaz. We are writing to inform you that while returning from a mission in enemy territory, Diaz and the rest of his crew were struck down by enemy choppers, and their navigation systems were broken. As of now, their status is unknown. We are sending in troops for rescue immediately. Edmundo Diaz has now been labeled Missing In Action. We will update you with news as it becomes available to us."

Maddie set the letter down on the table. Evan could tell that her own shock had set in. He couldn't hold it in anymore. He burst into tears before sliding down the cabinets and sitting on the floor, his knees against his chest. This wasn't happening, it wasn't. Eddie promised. He felt Maddie sit down next to him, wrapping her arms around him. His breaths were short and fast, his entire body was shaking as he sobbed.

"Maddie," he whispered. It took so much effort to even just say that. His voice didn't want to work.

"I know, I know," she said, pulling him closer. "It's ok. It's going to be ok. They're going to find him."

"They don't even know if he's alive. "

"They don't know if he's dead, Ev."

"I can't do this alone, Maddie," he cried. "I need him. I need Eddie."

"I know you don't want to, Evan. You can do it, you have been doing it, but that doesn't make this easier. But you have to have faith. If not for yourself, then for Eddie and that little boy in there."

He took in Maddie's words. She was right. Eddie promised that he would do everything he could to come home to him and Chris. He had to have faith in his husband and his ability to fight. It had to be what kept Evan going. As much as he wanted to just crawl into bed and never get up, he had also made a promise. He promised Eddie that he would make sure Chris was taken care of in every way and he intended to keep that promise.

They sat there for a while. Evan didn't want Chris to see him in the state he was in. After he had managed to calm himself down and stop shaking, he stood up. Maddie followed as he made his way into the living room. He picked Christopher up and held him in his lap. Looking at his son almost made him start crying again.

"Papa," Chris smiled, leaning against Evan's chest. It was close to Christopher's nap time and he could tell his son was getting tired.

"You're going to be ok, Ev," Maddie said, sitting down next to them.

He nodded, pulling his son in close. Evan knew he had to be strong. Christopher needed him. Eddie needed him to have faith. His husband was alive. He had to believe that.