Luceo Non Uro || Outlander

Chapter 14

Fergus

I paced outside of the Big House, feeling the smooth wood of the new railings. Night had long since fallen, but the Ridge was alive. We had all seen the Celtic cross erected amongst the circle of tents and knew what was about to be asked of every able-bodied man. But I knew this did not include me. 

The heavy oak door swung open. Jamie stood tall and proud in his plaids, a sight I had not seen since that day we had parted before Culloden.

"You look well, Milord." He shifted uncomfortably at the compliment, and the fact that I was blocking his path to the encampment.

"What is it, mon fils?" My heart stirred at being called "son". It made what I was about easier.

"I wish to serve you on the battlefield, Milord. I will not abandon you this time," I said while hiding my wooden hand behind my tricorn. 

"Fergus..." his voice faltered. I worried for what he would say next. "I have never once thought you abandoned me. It was I who had a responsibility to protect you. And I failed." I tracked the path of his gaze downwards towards my hat, and the wooden appendage it concealed. He pulled a flask from his sporran and uncorked it. I would normally welcome a dram, but something told me this was not a celebratory drink.

"Milord?" My fingers plucked at the seams of tricorn. Its corners were worn from this habit. 

"I need you to do something for me, Fergus. I hope you can understand." 

"I will, Milord. Whatever it is you want, I will do it." As we drank from his flask, Milord asked the impossible of me.

"When the time comes to pledge your fealty, I need you to let Roger take the oath first."

I balked at the suggestion. "Non, I cannot Milord. I have served you since I was no more than a boy, you must let me swear my loyalty to you. I am ten times the fighter Roger is!"

"You are, and that's why I need to ask you this. I am making Roger a captain. You no longer need my protection, but Roger does. He is not ready to fight and I can offer him that protection by making him a ranked officer." I took another deep pull from the flask and recoiled at the bitterness in my mouth.

"You cannot be serious? We do not even know this man." I could not contain my dark thoughts any longer. "When has he proven himself to you as I have? When has he even proven himself to Brianna? I have yet to see it." Milord attempted to lay a hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off and descended the steps of the Big House.

"Fergus," Jamie called as I stalked off towards my home.

"I will see you at the fiery cross," was all I could promise, although I had not yet come to a decision on what I would do. 

~~~

The cross was lit. Smoke billowed from the ring of tents in the clearing. Marsali gripped my arm as we crested the hill towards the Big House. I had not told her of my interaction with Milord, but my sour mood was no secret, and my brooding over a dram or two of whiskey had not helped in the intervening hours.

Jamie stood beside the cross, its glow reflecting off of his auburn red hair. Milady and Brianna stood side by side with twin looks of concern marring their faces.

"In the Highlands... when a chieftain sets himself to war he'll burn the fiery cross, sending a sign throughout the lands of his clan. It was a call for his men to gather his weapon... come... prepare for battle. We are friends, neighbors, countrymen. But we're not a clan. I'm not your chief. But I hope that if the time comes, you will all stand by my side. We cannae say what might befall us, but we must not only be willing to make oaths to our wives and loved ones, but to our brothers and arms in this new country. Stand by my hand." 

He extended his hand towards Roger. I stood behind his shoulder, watching for his next move. As I had suspected, it never came. Roger was frozen in place. The silence that settled on the circle grew unbearable, and I could not help but smirk at the confusion spread across Roger's face. 

He was no Highlander, of that I could now be certain. In all of my years living amongst the Mackenzies and Frasers, I had never come across this stranger standing before me. If he hailed from where he claimed to, I would have known him. There are no strangers in the Highlands.

Isaiah Morton answered the call first, "I will stand by your side, Colonel Fraser, sir." Jamie accepted the offer that had been meant for Roger. 

I could see Jamie's shoulders sag in disappointment as Isaiah raised his dirk to him. The oath was said. I waited for Roger to step forward. Now was his chance to make things right. I stared at Milord, waiting to be called in Roger's place, although I knew that it would not happen.

"Roger Mackenzie." I clenched my jaw.  Roger took a bumbling step forward. How dare he. "Be a shield for your family and for mine. Son of my house, Captain Roger Mackenzie," Milord announced proudly, placing a hand on the fool's shoulder. His words stung. 

I heard Marsali inhale sharply beside me. Thankfully she kept her gaze forward. I don't think I was doing a very good job of hiding my disdain for this newcomer. She was now privy to the cause for my bad mood; she would have suspected something was wrong the moment I hesitated pledging my oath to Milord. I would have thrown myself at his feet before any man if he had allowed it.

I heard Milord say, "Repeat what I say," but before he could speak, Roger recited the oath. I rolled my eyes. He kissed his dirk and replaced it in its sheath. It was not difficult to memorize four lines. The question was whether he had meant it. Marsali stepped closer to, but even her touch could not shake me from my stupor. 

I sank even deeper when Milord said, "I want you to ken that this act in which we are partaking forms a bond between us. The founding of a kinship in this New World. Just as ye give. me yer word, I will give ye mine. I will serve you, as you are swearing to serve me. I will not light the cross again until the time has come to do battle." 

I had been passed over. My mind raced and I only wanted to go home to be with my children. I never should have offered to serve by Milord's side...

"Stand by my hand. Fergus, son of my name and of my heart." Milord beckoned me forwards. Of course I obeyed. I knelt down at his feet and took my dirk in my hand. 

"I swear by the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, and by this holy iron. I give you my fealty, and I pledge you my loyalty. If ever my hand be raised against you in rebellion, I ask that this holy iron pierce my heart." I pressed my lips to the cold metal. Milord's hand guided me to my feet and he embraced me as his son. This was all I had ever wanted of him, and myself, since that day we parted on the battlefield. Once again felt like the orphaned pickpocket he had plucked from the streets of Paris. I would not let him down. 

*** Sorry y'all, I am 100% projecting my hatred for (show) Roger onto Fergus.