Luceo Non Uro || Outlander

Chapter 27

Spring crept through the mountains, waking the mountain laurel and dogwoods from their long hibernation and filling the Ridge with a rainbow of colors. 

Instead of feeling renewed by the land awakening once more after a long, dreary winter, I felt drained of life. My limbs felt heavy and I could not keep up with the work that comes with the arrival of spring. After my courses did not come for two months, I knew I was with child again. Fergus was overjoyed. I knew something felt wrong right away.

The terrible feeling in my gut worsened with the shocking news that Brianna and Roger were leaving the Ridge, for Boston they said, but the parting had felt final. I wished I could have thrown myself at Brianna's feet and begged her to stay. I could not believe Roger would take her away from everyone she loved to accept a teaching position up north.

"What am I gonna do without you with another bairn coming? You've become like a sister to me."

"I know. Leaving everyone is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done," her amber eyes were watery. I tried to push down the premature grief that I felt. 

"We'll miss you both," Roger said, somewhat insincerely. There was no offers to write, or to visit. 

I embraced Brianna, the closest thing I had to a friend and sister without Joan. Fergus made no motion to say a fond farewell to Roger. They looked at each other coolly. Fergus wrapped his arm around Brianna and wished her well. We parted ways, and I could not help but feel as though I had lost someone dear to me. 

"Germain will miss Jemmy something fierce," I said to break the silence that had settled between Fergus and I. I could not blame him for feeling differently than I did about the Mackenzies' departure. He and Roger had not seen eye to eye, or hardly seen each other for that matter, since the Regulators were subdued by Tryon's army.

"He will. But he will soon have a new baby brother."

"Aye. He's a bit outnumbered at the moment." 

We stepped off of the path at the sound of a cart approaching. We could hear Lionel Brown's harsh voice barking orders at the horse, or his wife, before we could see him. Sure enough, their cart came splashing through the soggy trail, kicking mud up onto my skirts without slowing down. My heart shattered. Fergus had saved up money to purchase this new dress of checked purple and blue wool. It had been woven by fellow Scots that had come to the Colonies after the '45, and it felt like home. 

"I will launder it, my love, don't be upset," Fergus pulled me into the crook of his arm and pressed his lips onto my forehead. I let him hold me there so he could not see the silly tears I was shedding for my dress. After three bairns and all of the hardships we had faced, it seemed irrational to cry over something so vain. But the dress was mine, and it made me feel pretty after spending so many months in maternity clothes, or worn, out-of-fashion dresses covered in Félicité's spit-up and other unidentifiable stains.

"That'll have to wait. Mrs. Brown appeared to be in distress. Claire will be needing me." I wiped my eyes until the skin on my cheeks felt rubbed raw. 

"You know she can manage, let me take you home."

"I want to go. Besides, there's no love lost between Claire and Mr. Brown. She shouldna be alone with that bastard."

Fergus grunted and turned me towards the Big House. He remembered all too well his first encounter with Lionel Brown, and was not eager to meet him again. He seemed to create trouble wherever he went. A wicked man, especially when he was not under his brother's watchful eye.

"I'll not leave my wife with you," I heard him growl from the door to Claire's surgery.

"Let's have a dram, Lionel, I can assure you your wife is in good hands."