The Thoughts Behind it All

The Thought

I hate that I love her. I hate that I love her more than the moon loves orbiting the earth. I hate that the love I feel for her can't be described through my words, or even through the way it would be seen through someone else's eyes.

Her smile is one of such perfection that the world seems to freeze the second I see her lips part and her teeth show in her perfectly gummy smile. The way she messes around with my head makes my heart pull at its strings. Her eyes are so remarkably mesmerizing, the way the light hits them in the sunlight making it look like the stars are reflected in her pupils. Her laugh sounds so serene and happy, comparable only to the feeling of absolute joy and love. The way she talks, the smooth sound of her vocal cords humming the harmonious tune that is her voice, such like a violin playing softly.

I want nothing but to spend my days with her on a blanket in the grass, curled up with a pair of shared headphones playing the same songs we love so much. I'd give anything for her to be as happy as she makes me. If it took all of the money in the world, all of my time, my life, I would give it to her, just to see her happy. Her happiness is my joy. I love hearing her talk, and laugh, and smile, and joke around with me. The fleeting moments I spend with her make me feel the same way a plant feels when given proper sunlight and water.

Yet, I can't love her in such a way. My love for her will be my downfall. My heart floats outside of my body when she is near. She is not the one people assume she is, she's so much more, and this keeps me from loving her fully. I can't describe how much I love her, yet I hate that. I can't openly try and even begin to describe how much I love her existence, because she is not her. I cannot describe the way I love her in the same ways the ocean loves the sand, the guitar loves the pick, the sun to the solar system, a hand to a pencil. She is my world, and I love her with my whole being, and I hate that.

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3/29/2024

This feels like it was so long ago atp 😭