The Thoughts Behind it All

Weeks

To: X
From: M

Weeks are longer than days, but shorter than months. Weeks can change the world around you, they can shape everything.

But weeks have gone by and things stay the same. Sure, the world around me changes, there are choices that change what my life will look like, what my life will be in less than four weeks. But nothing ever changes. You don't change. You manage to stay the same. It's not a good thing, like when you have a favorite recipe that somehow tastes the same each time someone makes it. No, it's like a horrible smell that lingers in a piece of clothing that never leaves, no matter how many times you wash it.

You do the same things every single week. You make the same decisions, every single week. You find a way to make me feel like crap every single week. I've come to terms with it, seeing that there's nothing I can do to escape. But I can't seem to get rid of the hurt, the anger, the utter emptiness, that your actions leave me with each week.

I find myself creating lists of things to do each week I'm with you, always adding 'survive, somehow,' to the very top of the list. I shouldn't have to add that to my list. I can't help but try and hold on until the days where I have an excuse to spend most of my time out of the house, away from you and your actions. But none of it matters, because you find ways to crush my hope for change when I can't seem to escape.

Will you ever change?

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7/10/2024