Morsin City

12. Old Habits Creeping Back In

Kells Pov

Leaving Maya's place, I get a call from Zae about going to some hangout place but being as pissed as I was, I wasn't going not a damn where.

"Look, dude, I'm not in the mood to be around drunken assholes right now. I got shit going on."

Zae tries to ask what's up but I just tell him I gotta get on the road and I'll call him later.

Nai calls but I ignore it, tossing my phone in the passenger seat.

At a red light I hit the steering wheel angry as fuck.

Holding my head, I think of a way to deal with all these emotions, not it being a healthy one.

But it was either that or get into a fight and I can't do that with the tour coming up again in a few weeks.

Grabbing my phone I dial my old dealer's number copping about a few white baggies, Mary Jane and pills.

Once we did the meet up, I did a few lines then sparked up, hot boxing in the car.

Turning on some music, I listen to Linkin Park, (song above) zoning out.

Replaying me and Maya's argument I hold my face.

Nai calls again and this time I answer by lowering the music a bit.

"The post? What was that? That was uncalled for Nai."

She switches to FaceTime only being in some pink lingerie.

"Just come over," She says seductively.

Closing my eyes, wiping my nose, sniffing, I shook my head.

"I told you I'm not doing this with you. I'm not going back."

"Colson, you can't possibly want to start over with a young girl who can't even be woman enough for you. Like come on. Be fucking for real."

I now open my eyes looking at her, "We actually talk. It's not sex. It's a real thing. Real emotions. Why am I even telling you all this? You don't give a fuck about my happiness. It's always about you. You never see the wrong and what you do. Always painted me as the villain. That's what you're good at."

Nai now scoffs low, "Just come over. Please? Only to talk."

Knowing it wasn't I still said no hanging up and blocking her.

I higher the music again starting to speed going way over the limit.

Having trouble keeping myself awake, I swerved to the side and ended up in a ditch.

With a shitty signal, I try calling Zae, now feeling my head pounding.

"Fuck dude, I need a ride."

Hearing how I sounded he told me to drop my location to him so I did.

"Bring some 40's with you," I say now sitting against my car that's wrecked after getting out stumbling to the ground.

Hanging up, I wait falling asleep without realizing, not noticing Zae pulling up.

"Yo! Col!" He comes running after putting his car in park to the side of where I was.

Smiling wickedly high, he struggles to get me up.

"Niceeee," I say seeing the 40's in the backseat.

Zae gets me in the passenger seat, "What the fuck are you doing? Tell me you didn't relapse."

I looked to the side of me then shrugged slouching in the seat.

"Fine. I'm just with the aliens right now. This is all an illusion."

Zae closes the door then gets in the driver's seat.

"Fuck man. You were doing good. Did something with that one shawty fuck up?"

Shaking my leg with heightened paranoia, I shrugged again.

"Nai did some stupid shit. Maya saw. Now we're pissed at each other."

Zae sighs, "So you get high? Bro. You were 21 days clean. Now we gotta get you back on the clean train before you get into deep shit."

Closing my eyes I stay quiet letting the drugs take me away ignoring what Zae was saying.

When we got to the house I didn't even want to go inside, scared Casie might see me a mess.

"I'm just gonna stay out here in the car," I say muffled, getting comfortable hugging myself from the cold.

Zae sighs, turning the heater on while looking at me.

"Yo bro, I wouldn't say this if I didn't care, but you need to get right. If you don't get right, shit will get darker than it already was back then. We can't have a repeat. It's just not happening. You got Cas to think about. Me to think about. Yourself. All that other bullshit with Nai and ole girl? Dead that shit until you're good. If you're not good then nothing else will be. You heard? Like for real. Do better for you. That's all I ask and want bro. Please. Stop self-destructing."

Now being vulnerable, I look at him, seeing the seriousness on his face, having me watery eyed.

"Fuck man," I say low really understanding how much I effect those around me.

The ones who care will make sure you're face to face with your demons so you can kill that shit.

If not, then they just want to see you fail just cause.

No valid reason but to lather in your misery so they can feel better about themselves.

"Sober up and sleep until you're feeling a bit sturdy on your feet and mentally. I'll have Vin help me take Cas to her practice tomorrow. Heard she got a win by the way."

I nod, "Yeah, my babygirl got a trophy and all. Bro, she's growing up fast. I just want her to know that I'm proud of her and everything I do, I'm doing for her. I'm trying to get this life thing together, it's just this shit's been kicking my ass."

Zae looks to the house, keeping his focus forward as he says, "I feel that she sees that but she also needs her father to be well. That's all kids want. They want to see their parents good and you will be. I promise you that. I'm gonna pull your ass out the fire if I need to."

Giving Zae a bro hug, he pats my back then does our friendship handshake watching me get out the car and into the house after I sobered up more.

Plugging up my phone to the phone charger, I see the video of me and Maya in the kitchen singing that one song.

I see her smiling, I smiled back then we forgot we kept recording hearing the conversation we were having.

"No!! Not like that! Like this," She shows me while washing the pots using some brillow pad.

"You're the washing dishes expert?" I joked.

Laughing she nods, "Yes, yes I am."

The video ends and I sit up pulling up her contact pressing call.