Do Me a Favour - Alex Turner

34. Out Of It

(Alex's POV)

I was still reeling from last night. Lana had kissed me, and I couldn't shake the confusion that had settled in my mind. Yeah, I really liked her, more than I cared to admit, and I wished she would kiss me every second of every day, but this felt wrong. Really wrong.

Miles was my best friend, and he was dating Lana. I couldn't do this to him. He trusted me, and here I was, tangled in a mess of my own making. But maybe what hurt even more was that Lana and I were just starting to become friends again. Now she wouldn't talk to me, and I didn't know how to fix it.

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at the wall, trying to make sense of everything. Why had she kissed me? Did she regret it as much as I did? My thoughts spiraled, each one more confusing than the last.

I needed to talk to her, to clear the air, but every time I saw her with Miles, laughing and smiling, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't bear the thought of making things worse for everyone involved.

As I headed to breakfast, the weight of it all pressed down on me. The room was already buzzing with conversation, but I felt like an outsider looking in. I grabbed a coffee and sat down, my mind still racing.

I watched as Lana talked to Breanna, her face a mix of emotions I couldn't read. When our eyes met, she quickly looked away, and a pang of hurt shot through me. We needed to talk, but how?

Miles walked over, giving me a nod and a smile. "Hey, man. You look rough. Everything okay?"

I forced a chuckle. "Yeah, just didn't sleep well. You know how it is."

He nodded, completely unaware of the turmoil inside me. "Yeah, these tours can be brutal. But hey, tonight's show should be great. Let's make the most of it."

I nodded, but my mind was elsewhere. I needed to find a way to talk to Lana, to figure out where we stood. But more than that, I needed to figure out where I stood with myself.

*

The whole rest of the day, I tried to catch Lana's eye, to find a moment where we could talk, but she seemed to be avoiding me. It hurt more than I wanted to admit. Every time she turned away or found someone else to talk to, it felt like a punch to the gut. The confusion and guilt were eating me alive.

I wandered through the venue, my mind a tangled mess. I watched as Lana laughed with the others, her smile so bright and carefree, and it made me feel even worse. She seemed happy with Miles, and I hated myself for wanting something different.

Matt must have noticed how I looked because he came over and put a hand on my shoulder. "Alex, you look like you're about to implode. Come on, let's go outside for a bit."

I nodded, grateful for the escape. We stepped out into the cool evening air, and I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. Matt lit a cigarette and offered me one, which I accepted.

"What's going on with you, man?" Matt asked, exhaling a cloud of smoke. "You've been off all day."

I hesitated, not sure where to start. But Matt was the only one I could talk to about this. "It's Lana," I finally said, my voice barely above a whisper.

He raised an eyebrow. "What about her?"

I took a long drag of the cigarette, trying to find the right words. "Last night... she kissed me."

Matt's eyes widened in surprise. "She kissed you? What about Miles?"

I shook my head, feeling the weight of my guilt. "I know. That's the problem. I feel like shit, Matt. Miles is my best friend, and Lana... she's with him. I shouldn't have let it happen."