He Who Laughs Last

CH 9: An Epiphawhatsit

Ladies and gentlemen! I have had a breakthrough! A Eureka! moment! An epiphawhateverthewordis! And I'm not gonna tell you what it is!! 'Why?' I hear you ask? Because this is something everybody needs to know! All of Gotham needs to hear what I have to say! Hahahahaha! This is.... NEWS!! And we all know where news goes, don't we, boys and girls?

.....

The Joker slams through the doors of Gotham Central News for the second time in as many weeks. The producers haven't even had time to replace the last newscaster he shot with another one. As he puts a few rounds in each of the new security detail, four men strong, and then one in the only other staff member brave enough to show up, the poor weatherman, a decision is made to start remotely broadcasting from a more secure location. Preferably one that will change weekly, so hopefully this stupid homicidal clown will stop killing their damned news crews. Once again, though, all of Gotham turns their eyes towards the nearest screen to see what fresh horror will be unleashed upon their city next. And the greedier of the higher ups in the news industry start to wonder if the loss of newsmen isn't worth nearly everyone in the city turning to their channel whenever this freak comes up with a new 'Public Service Announcement' that he decides the warrants the entire city's attention. After all, there's no such thing as bad press...

.....

Oh, I always love doing this. Recently, I've been brainstorming ideas, especially after the whole sidekick fiasco, and i do my best thinking with a knife or gun in my hand. Even better when I'm using it. So anyways, this last weekish has been really a breath of fresh air from the previous stagnation of absolutely no fun. And, even better, I've figured out a solution! One that is definitely better than the last one. That Kiteman guy was something else. Wonder if I'll ever see him again. Anyways. Back to the fun stuff.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, I'm back! And I have good news!! Also some disappointing news, but the good news is more exciting!" The Joker thrust his arms open wide, and smiled for the camera, the biggest grin on his face he had had in weeks. "So, just to get it out of the way, we'll cover the bad news first, okay? The bad news is, I was unable to find myself somebody to share my criminal enterprise with. Really, I was very disappointed by you guys. I got some real weirdos who showed up. For the sake of the kids who I'm sure are watching this, really, why are you letting them? That says a lot about your parenting, and frankly, I'm quite disappointed." He shifts from the pouty look he made a big deal of sporting when mentioning his lack of success to an overly dramatic look of condescension before it dissolves into laughter. "Hahahahaha! I'm sorry, I tried to keep a straight face, I really did. I'm getting off track, though. Like I was saying, nobody worthwhile showed up, and from those whack-o's that did, I figured out that that wasn't the way to go. Also, quick aside, but lets give a round of applause for Commissioner Gordon, shall we? Really, good job! I really expected to have to pay a quick visit to a whole bunch of families, but you were able to restrain yourself! And what's more, not a single person was wearing a wire! Really, commissioner, I'm quite impressed. That must have taken quite a bit of restraint. Anyways," he pulls out a bunch of note cards with inane scribblings on them, and shuffles through them, tossing most of them around the newsroom, where he leans against the desk the newscasters would normally sit at. "Yada yada yada, whole bunch of weirdos, something something, Commissioner Gordon, blah blah blah, ah, here we are. So. The good news. I have had another idea. I figured that, if having someone on my side is a bust, why not have somebody opposite me? Some good soul doing the world a favor and taking out the evil madman slaughtering his way across Gotham as he wills! I am hereby inviting YOU, the people of Gotham, to engage in vigilante justice against me! I mean, what's stopping you? Honestly, I'm surprised nobody's tried to off me yet. But now, since apparently none of you are either creative enough or brave enough to try, I am hereby giving you the idea!" He grabs a boom mic and yells into it, gesticulating wildly and nearly deafening everybody watching. "Open season on Joker, everybody! The police are gonna tell you you shouldn't, that it's wrong, to let them do their jobs, but who else is going to protect your families?? They haven't done squat yet! They aren't going to magically start doing something overnight!" He points directly into the camera, looking for all the world like a demented enlistment poster. "I need a nemesis, and it's not gonna be a cop! It's gonna be one of you!! You have the power to take down the clown menace! Every one of you! Get your guns, your bats, any blunt object you have at hand! Go out into the streets! COME GET ME!!!" And with that the feed goes black.

.....

Bruce Wayne is sick of himself. He is so sick of all the fear that controls him, the cowardice. He hates himself, hates the person he's become. When the Joker showed up on the TV again, he damned near had a panic attack. He hated himself for that. He was sick of hating himself, but didn't know what else he could do. Nothing Dr. Crane said seemed to help, half the time he thought it was making things worse. It was time to stop listening to what Dr. Crane says. He's a good friend, he's doing everything he can to help, but that doesn't mean he's right. Bruce stands before the mirror, glaring at the man he sees in it. No more. No more cowardice, no more hiding from the world and his problems. What the Joker said on the TV was right, as much as he was loathe to admit it. The police, try as they might, weren't getting anywhere. This damned city has sat in its filth for too long, and trying to do things the proper way didn't get anything done. There was too much corruption. Nothing got done through the proper channels because everyone who tried was blocked at every turn by those who added to the filth. Everyone knew it, but no one did anything. It was always somebody else's job. Always a mess for tomorrow. What was needed was someone outside the proper channels who was still committed to justice. To righting the wrongs the corrupt had wrought. And nobody else was going to do it. Nobody else would do it, maybe even could. Everybody else was too wrapped up in their own lives, their own problems to fix anything. To get vengeance for the victims. Bruce Wayne had no life to be wrapped up in. All his problems were pointless to fuss over, especially in the face of so much else. So much that was so much larger than him. He would be the one to take down the Joker. But he would not get caught up in the mob mentality that the madman had tried to incite. Nor would he go back to doing nothing about the human sewage that held his city in a stranglehold. He would take down the Joker, and continue, cleaning the city for as long as it took, until he could look around and be proud to call himself a Gothamite. He was going to be his city's justice where there is none. Her vengeance when the people didn't know the word. He would be her Knight.