Malika and Mr. Ex-Mafia [ON GOING]

33 : About Me, Can Her See It?

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[CAUTION : YOU CAN'T COME HERE WITHOUT READING THE PREVIOUS PART]

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I also sit myself next to her, placing my head on her shoulder while both of my hands are grabbing her right hand and rubbing it. Her body is becoming stiff, but slowly, she start feeling relaxed.

"I've been hated women, punishing them for so many years. But, the one that can make me feel this comfortable, is also a woman," I started rambling.

"I often wonder, what if I didn't grow up and keep being a child, but have a normal life like many children in this world. That's so sick of me. I always envy every child who has a great family."

"That was very sick of me. Inside of me, I really want to be pampered by someone like a baby. I want to be hugged everytime I fucked up and being whispered some sweet things into my ear. I don't know, Ika. I am worse. There's no way to fix me anymore. Torturing and killing men, women, and children, having so much money, even doing something that is much worse than just killing were my pleasure back then. Seeing people, including myself, feeling pain, begging for mercy, or even begging death to come faster, was giving me so much pleasure. But it was just temporary. After they are dead, I always ask, what do I do? Torturing the dead people is no use at all. They can't feel the pain anymore. If I torture myself and I die slowly, so do I still feel the pleasure after I die?"

"You say I am a psycho, a demon, but I call myself broken. I was obsessed with pleasure, with happiness for so long. I thought they could fix me, but they couldn't. Until I reach the point where I ask 'What is happiness and how can I am sure that this is the thing that I need?'. Your presence here is changing me, Ika. I feel a new kind of happiness. A kind of happiness that many normal people feel. I am happy, Ika. I feel that when you're next to me. I actually don't believe in heaven, but can I say that I feel like I'm in heaven when I am next to you? You're literally my heaven, Ika. Do I deserve to say that?"

Realizing that she does not response at all, I spoke, "Ika... If I told you everything about me... You might feel more disgusted in me, do you?"

"Vincent, you start slurring-"

"Please, listen to me," I cut her off.

"Did someone tell you that in the Cattaneo's history, there is only one Don that isn't actually the pureblood of this clan?" I asked.

She nodded. "Ruth did."

"Didn't she tell you who he is?"

She shook her head.

"It is me."

She gasped all of sudden, raising her body into a stiff position.

"Claudia, the name that I've mentioned... I was born in Florence, Italy from her womb. I was born from a whore who sell her body just for money, for her fucking lifestyle. Drugs, money, sex. They were her fucking addiction. I didn't know who my biological father was. She was very barely in the house. Everyday, she only attracted so many rich dickheads with her beautiful and raw figure, had sex and stuff, and went home whenever she wanted, leaving me who is still just a toddler. However, it is not really uncommon if she brought those motherfucker to our house and shamelessly do a kind of disgusting sex in front of me. Of course I didn't know what exactly she did when I was a kid, but I can remember how disgusting it until as a grow up, I know that she had sex there."