my Endless Blue

∞ Track #6: Closer To You

"Miah..."

"Mielie..."

Then I came back to my senses. I was reminded of everything that happened that night in Baguio. I felt like crying, so I immediately turned around and started walking away. It didn't take long when I heard quick footsteps behind me.

"Can we talk, please?", his voice sounded clearer and closer.

I stopped walking, but I didn't turn around. I just stood there without saying anything.

"I understand if you don't even want to see me right now... But can we please talk? I promise I won't bother you again after this if that's what you want."

Oh god. Talk? Hindi ko nga alam kung anong gusto kong sabihin sa kanya ngayon. I haven't sorted my feelings yet, especially kung bakit ako nasasaktan in the first place. But why couldn't I turn him away? I should give him a chance, right? Ugggh. I hate myself.

I slowly turned around. "Okay... Let's talk." I couldn't look at him again, so I kept my head down.

"Thank you..." aniya kaya lumakad na ko patungo kung saan nakapark 'yung black van. Hinintay niya akong makarating sa pwesto niya bago siya lumakad. Agad naman naming narating ang kinaroroonan ng sasakyan.

"You can wait inside. I'll just talk to Kuya Ynan."

"Okay." I answered without looking at him. I saw him offering his hand as I tried getting into the van, but I didn't take it. "I'm good, thank you." I went inside and settled on the leftmost seat by the window in the rear seats.

He fixed the car's aircon before saying, "Just give us a minute. This won't take long." Then he gently closed the sliding door.

It was pretty spacious inside. Most likely they had it customized since konti lang 'yung seats sa loob, excluding the driver and passenger seat — Only the front and rear seats were there, unlike the regular vans. Same with his car, malinis sa loob at organized ang mga gamit niya. Oh sh*t! Need ko nga pa lang i-message si Ion. Agad kong kinuha ang phone ko sa aking bulsa. Bumungad sa'kin ang napakaraming notifications, from Messenger and missed calls. Yari ako nito.

HB Ate Ayon
HOY Amiel tumigil ka nga
Hintayin mo ako
Pupunta ako diyan ngayon
I'll just get my car
Don't go anywhere

Marami pa siyang minessage pero mostly asking where I am. I searched for her contact then dialed her number. Tawagan ko na lang siya ko let her know I was okay. After a few rings, she answered the call.

"Hello? Are you alright? Asan ka ngayon? Kanina pa'ko tumatawag sa'yo why aren't you picking up?" Sunod-sunod niyang tanong dahil sa pag-aalala.

"Sorry, I just checked my phone now. You don't need to worry. I'm sitting on a van already." Technically, I'm not lying right? Gosh. Why am I like this?

"OMG! You got me worried! Nakakainis ka! Alam mo bang papasok na ko ng EDSA now?"

"Sorry. I didn't know na pupunta ka talaga rito."

"Seriously? Para namang hindi mo ako kilala. You know I can leave anything for you! Especially after last year..." Batid kong nalungkot siya sa huling sinabi niya. Eto 'yung main reason bakit ayokong magsabi sa kanya ng problema. Kasi kaya niya talagang iwan kahit work niya just for me.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have messaged you today. I got you worried for nothing."

"Do you really think that's what I wanted to hear right now?"

"Sorry. I just don't know what to say."

"How about how you truly feel for once? And can you stop saying sorry already? Mas lalo mo lang pinapasama ang loob ko." That hits me. Totoo naman kasi. I really found it difficult to express what I truly feel to the people I love and care about. Mas honest pa ko to strangers. I could easily speak my mind — At 'di ko rin maintindihan ang sarili ko kung bakit.