wabi - sabi

sei

"𝚃𝚘 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗 𝚋𝚎𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚌𝚢..."

The mundanity bore me so deeply as if knives held me in place from desiring the much more extraordinary.

Ever since I was younger, it felt like the world I was in was too small for me. A seemingly small town full of familiar faces I'd see every day. A small distance from my house to the school. People who knew each other since they were babies until they were old. It would seem like an advantage, yet it also caused tons of drama and toxicity everywhere.

I merely knew that the world was bigger than it seemed, and I could not help but feel entrapped in the society I belonged to.

When I moved to the city, it excited me. Like fuel for my exploring bones. I desired to discover more and see more. And so I explored like there was no tomorrow. But soon, it turned drudging. I wondered how such a big place turned out to be so monotonous as soon as I had continuously seen it.

Indeed, it must be a problem within my rash, childish, naïve self to desire a much bigger world than what was given to me.

I let myself believe that for years. I limited myself to that idea, knowing it was rather absurd and that I should teach myself to be content with what I had. For years, I became a homebody, appreciating the change of environment and spending time with myself. I appreciated moments of solitude, grateful for the peace that came with it. The everyday, monotonous, mundane life was something I could already deal with.

Perhaps I let myself believe so.

Nowadays, my heart yearns for more. I feel constricted—a similar feeling I've felt for years but buried deep down. Truly, I feel suffocated by the normalcy. I desire autonomy and freedom to explore the world by myself. I want to broaden my horizons and see the world. My idealist self often thinks of creating—of expanding.

Perhaps my soul is meant to expand.

Maybe I am not meant for the ordinary, though I am grateful to have learned to love every single bit of the present moment. I have learned to be grounded and appreciate the little things in life. Perhaps I must only learn the balance between being grateful for normalcy and hunger for more.

One thing is clear: my heart yearns to explore the vastness and depths of the world. The change of environment and wanderlust might offer new perspectives, beliefs, or growth in my often-changing self.

The mundanity bore me deeply—possibly I was born to create more and to develop my expansive self for a bigger world with massive opportunities. It could be that I must break the knives keeping me in place to explore the extraordinary—and perhaps become extraordinary myself.

How about you? Are you already content with life's normalcy, or do you also yearn to explore beyond that normalcy, to desire expansion?

love lots,

aru.