when 77 met 32 [ishman ff] [shubish]

2019-2020

The series against New Zealand was very good. We won the odi but we could'nt win the t20 series. But it was okay. That is life, you experience both success and failure. That is what everyone was telling me. Let me admit it, i am much more disappointed on my performance then the team's overall performance.

I did not play in the t20 series but the overall performance in the odi could have been much better if I wasn't as stupid as I am. I played the total of 2 matches where I scored, 9 and 7 runs respectively.

Yeah you heard me right. 9 and 7. Can you believe it???? I felt so bad that I never wanted to show my face to my family or the team again. I felt like I would mess up and I did mess up. I bet the association is regretting my selection right now.

I mean there are so many great players out there that want a chance to prove their talent and then there is me who is wasting the chance that could make someone's life. I hated it. I played other matches after that, the domestic ones and then the ipl, my performance in these matches wasn't so bad, but I played the worst when I was supposed to give the best performance of my life.

Maybe that is it. Maybe that was my best. Maybe I am not made for cricket. I was pulled out of my self-misery when my phone rang, it was Rishabh. "Hello bhai, bag pack kar le. Virat bhai youngsters ko 3 din ki trip pe Maldives le jaare hai." I took a minute to process that. "sorry?"

"tu phir pagal jesa baith ke bakwaas sochra hai kya?" okay the way he was so on point was a bit scary to me. "but way?" "because he wants us to play with fresh mind in the coming championship." "but he doesn't know who is gonna get selected for the championship." "tu chalne ka kaam kar." And he ended the call with that.

Why would virat sir take us on a trip if he doesn't even know the squad yet. There is no way I would make it to the team this time. So, what's the point of going to that trip then? I absolutely cannot face the team again. Especially virat bhai.

"shubmannnnn come for dinner." Shahneel di shouted from downdtairs. Yes. I am gonna eat and then sleep and wake up early tomorrow, practice, eat and sleep again. i would call Rishabh tomorrow and tell him that I cannot go to that trip.

"you are going on that trip" it was Ishan. He had called right after I finished my dinner and went back in my room. I am so sure that it was Rishabh that told him. Fuck Rishabh. "no, I don't feel like going." Well, I was playing a losing game right now.

"you are going shubman." That was a bit too assertive. There is no way Ishan would take no for an answer right now. But why should I listen to him again? I will go if I want to and I won't go if I don't want to. He should have no say in it, actually no one should have a say in it.

"I know what you are thinking right now. if you think that you can do as you please you are so fucking wrong shubman, because I am gonna call shahneel di if you don't listen to me." Okay why in the hell did I have to give Ishan her number?? If he tells her everyone would know and shahneel and Ishan together are already a deadly combo please don't add my parents in it too.

I knew this was a losing game. Shit. "you cannot force me like that Ishan. I will do whatever the fuck I want to." okay that came out a bit too rude, didn't it? "you. Are. going. On. That. Trip." That breather pause after every word actually scared the shit out of me. Ishan was dead serious with this. "okay." "good." he ended the call with that.

I wanted to say more but what would I say? He was definitely pissed but shouldn't I be the one pissed? Why is everyone forcing me to do things I don't want to all the damn time? And why am I letting them do that?

As a result of yesterday's conversation with Ishan, I was now standing here on the airport with the rest of the team. When I told my parents about this trip, they became super excited and told me I needed something like that and that they were really glad that I was going. I have a feeling that they would have been the one forcing me on the trip if it wasn't for Ishan.