when 77 met 32 [ishman ff] [shubish]

Confessions (last part)

"Who is it, Shubi?" The person that you like." I asked Shubman one evening because now my curiosity was getting the better of me. I had a rough idea about who it was, but I didn't want to trust my gut. Trusting my gut hasn't always been plausible for me, you see. So, I wanted him to tell me who it was.

In the meantime, I was also trying to figure out my own feelings because, at first, I thought that even if this person he liked was me (or any other man), I would indeed reassure him that I would be his friend no matter what and that I loved him always, but now I didn't feel like I would want to be his friend only. It was scary. That thought was very scary.

What if Shubman just liked someone else entirely and I was making all of this up because I liked him? Do I like him? I had no idea about it. "Forget it, Ishan. Please, trust me, you don't want to know." Shubman's voice interrupted my inner turmoil. He went out the door after saying that. I realized that I might've brought this topic up on numerous occasions, and I did have a feeling that Shubman didn't like it. but I just couldn't help myself.

I had been feeling uncertain about many things lately, and Shubman was at the center of it all. I wanted to confront him about my doubts, but at the same time, I hesitated. Eventually, my doubts were dispelled on a Sunday. As I was returning to the hotel after watching a movie with Mayank, I heard Suhani's voice coming from somewhere nearby. However, it wasn't the only reason I decided to go there; I also heard Shubman's voice.

I approached them; they were sitting next to each other. As I moved to greet them, Suhani said, "Why don't you just tell Ishan that you like him?" I was rooted to the spot like a statue. She was asking Shubman to let me know that he liked me? Was I the Ishan they were referring to?

"Do you think it's that easy? Do you think I don't want to tell him how much I love him? Do you think it's easy for me to know that I would be the best man at his wedding?" Shubman started, his voice getting higher with every sentence that he spoke. My heartbeat increased with the pitch of his voice.

"Just tell him then, what's the problem?" "Suhani, he's a man, and I'm a man too. Just because a few people have no problem with me liking a man doesn't mean that the man I like would reciprocate my feelings. Do you know how scared I am about him finding out? Every time you guys go in front of him and talk nonsense, my heart drops. What if he finds out that I like him?" His voice broke in between that sentence, breaking my heart too.

"Wouldn't it be better if he finds out?" Suhani says, encouraging Shubman. "No, it won't be better at all. Even if he remains my friend after I confess, things wouldn't be the same between us. He would never be himself around me anymore. I don't want that. I don't want to lose my Ishan over something so stupid."

"Stop demeaning your love, Shubman; it is not stupid at all. And there is no way Ishan would break friendship with you even if he doesn't reciprocate." "I don't want to see hesitation and disappointment in his eyes ever. I just want him to be happy, okay? I love him and I will always do, but I can't go and tell him that. If it had been just a fleeting crush or a teenage affection, I might've thought about telling him. But no, I love him; I am in love with him. Do you understand?" I could feel his emotions through his voice; it was chilling.

"Whenever I gaze into his eyes, time seems to stand still. I would do anything, even go to prison for life, just to protect his smile. But I can't bring myself to confess my feelings to him." "What if he feels the same way about you? You have to realize, Shubman, that there's more than just friendship between you two." "I don't care; all I know is that I want things to stay the way they are." "But what if he gets into a relationship with someone else?"

"You think I haven't thought about it? I will be okay for as long as he is happy; I don't mind." "Your eyes, they speak, Shubi." Shubman's eyes spoke indeed. How could someone be okay with something like that? Hell, why would Shubman want to be okay with that? I wanted to slap this man so hard. "Just how much do you love him?" Suhani asked softly; it wasn't a question at all.