Mercy & Fire

31. Unexpected Companions

Rovan

The weather grew warmer and warmer the farther we got from Bermillia, which made me grateful we were traveling alongside a trail of rivers, lakes, and springs, all interconnected like branches in a tree. Both mine and Roselena's coats were strung along my horse's saddle from how warm it had grown.

Everywhere I looked, there had previously been dying reds, oranges, and yellows hanging off the trees, but now everything was green with tropical greenery. Something Roselena had evidently never seen before. She silently marveled at the huge leaves hanging off of vines and plants, but every once in a while, she'd glance back at me as if to keep herself in check. A reminder not to reveal too much of herself and not to let her guard down.

If anything, her guard was up twice as bad as it was before. Her hostility was obvious every time she pridefully refused my help and gave me these dirty looks I didn't know she was even capable of. They were looks that likened me to dirt stuck on her shoe that she just could not shake loose.
It was almost impossible to get along with her, and at this point, I was convinced that I'd have better luck pulling out all of my teeth with oiled fingers, so I just returned the attitude with unbothered teasing.

I was too mesmerized and relieved that she was even breathing the same air that I was. At times, I wasn't convinced that I was awake and trailing behind her. But sometimes, she looked up at the large canopied trees leaning over with heavy greenery, and I'd catch a glimpse of her profile view glowing under the warm light.

She looked ethereal in her light pink dress among all the damp, beauty of the forest. I was convinced even my own imagination couldn't invent something so pleasing to the eye.
It was impossible not to remember the fact that I now knew what her lips felt like, and it was hard to fight the fact that I wanted to do it again.

(!) The temptation was familiar, and now that I remembered how it felt all too well, I wished I'd forgotten it altogether. As an adolescent, I was taken to a brothel with other, older Dhernon soldiers, and there, they bought a prostitute to — for lack of better words — show me the "true use of a woman." I saw plenty of people copulating and participating in other activities that made me feel secondhand embarrassment and shame.

According to the others, the brothel was considered tame, and that this should be quite easy for me to digest. In hindsight, I was simply at a loss of what to do.

Sex was presented as something I should take pleasure in just because I could, and everyone else was doing it. Despite this, I couldn't go through with anything more than touching, which earned me lots of teasing and insults.

I wound up leaving on my own at sixteen, being told I wasn't a man, and that I wasn't normal. Perhaps, I wasn't. Most men and women in Dhernon first experimented with their sexuality at ages as young as twelve, but I couldn't stomach it. Not when my mother was a victim of this type of business.

Thus, facing the desire to feel Roselena's skin under my fingertips, and to feel her hands on my body was both electrifying and troubling.
It conflicted me, and I didn't know what to do with such a desire, especially since it awakened and escalated from a simple kiss I didn't even know I wanted.

Nonetheless, I pushed on, pretending I wasn't having such thoughts and tried to follow the boundaries she'd formed.

She held her hands behind her back, showing her healing scabs that had peeled off and left scars. It was a shame to see such markings on her hands. A princess like her shouldn't have ever even had to make a journey like this, but here she was, taking it as if she was made for it.

I pulled along my steed and followed her until the sound of a loud gurgling sound cut through the chittering of the forest insects. Judging by the way her hand moved to her belly, it was coming from her.