𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐄𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 was raised from the ground up knowing nothing but comparison and perfection.
She compared herself to her successful parents, supermodel sister, and glamorous friends. Instead of love, she harbored a raging jealousy for nea...
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S i m o n e
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I don't know why I was so anxious.
It's been almost a month since I last saw Delilah, and though she partly knew about my... problems, I was still scared she wouldn't react well to my weight gain.
It wasn't a significant amount to make people notice if they weren't searching for the changes. But it was enough for me to notice and isn't that what mattered the most?
There was a dress I could wear for tonight, a dress I wanted to wear. Except I bought it 12 pounds ago and even though my weight was fluctuating, I was too scared to try it on just in case it didn't fit anymore.
So I wore jeans that I knew would be too big and pinned back the waist, a black miniskirt I rolled up to be a tube top, and a dark green sleeveless vest that buttoned at the top and exposed the cleavage that was supposed to be there but wasn't. It was frigid in NYC now, and I was always freezing; so I wore a giant black winter coat to warm me until I got to Delilah's house.
I was too anxious to eat breakfast or lunch, my insides turning at the prospect of seeing Nico and Delilah.
I focused my energy on stressing whether Delilah would have a nice house. I kept thinking that maybe she'd have a beautiful rent-controlled apartment in the middle of Brooklyn with ambient lighting and furniture I could only dream into existence. The type of furniture you can tell right away that they found on the sidewalk and fixed up or at some hidden flea market on a random Sunday years ago.
The only thing keeping me sane was curating dramatic ideas of how much nicer Delilah's house would be than mine because I still harbored the jealousy and fear that despite our tax bracket she'd have everything I'd ever want.
She already had amazing nails, a good body, and a good relationship with food. That was already half of what I wished for every day.
So to remind myself I was still better than her I wore all my green Van Cleef accessories and brought along my Mini Kelly I had received as a housewarming gift a few months ago. I felt like a bitch for concocting a one-sided competition with Delilah, but I didn't care. It kept me grounded.
