𝐒𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐄𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 was raised from the ground up knowing nothing but comparison and perfection.
She compared herself to her successful parents, supermodel sister, and glamorous friends. Instead of love, she harbored a raging jealousy for nea...
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S i m o n e
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It was breaching on being a warm sunny despite the fact that Christmas was in 3 days.
There was still a sickeningly cold breeze and pushing below 30 degrees, but when the wind stopped and the clouds parted the sun was bold enough to almost warm me completely up.
I was sitting outside a cafe, enjoying the way my nose was runny and frigid and my fingers were still cold beneath the gloves I had on. The sun kept coming out again every few minutes and heating me up enough that I could take off my earmuffs for a minute or so.
I was meeting Ella-Rose and Ryy here for lunch. Ella was leaving tonight to spend Christmas with Patrick in Monaco and she wanted to see me before she left. Holidays, especially Christmas, were always pretty hard for me. I guess she's been able to recognize that after years of our friendship. I knew she'd want to go inside once she got here so I arrived 20 minutes early to enjoy the silence and solitude.
I last saw Nicolas 2 days ago. I last cried 1.5 days ago. I blocked him on everything 1 day ago. I last ate 1/2 a day ago. I texted Ella 2 minutes ago telling her I was waiting out front..
I was trying to pretend the past week hadn't happened.
I was embarrassed for letting it affect me so much and scared because I could feel something in me had shifted.
I was craving a joint. Not a cigarette, a proper joint. Or even better, a shot of tequila and a salted lime. Something to reawaken how slow and heavy my heart felt in my chest. But I needed to stop turning to substances at every given moment so instead I sipped slowly on a bitter cup of black coffee. My fingers tapped against the mug as I cradled it in my hands, watching people pass.
When I checked my watch again, I realized 10 minutes had passed in what felt like seconds. I exhaled heavily, watching my shallow breath create a circle of smoke before me. I took another sip of coffee and reveled in how disgusting it was.
