Best of friends

Piece by piece

I was walking around on total auto pilot. I had lost my light. I had lost my best friend and boyfriend all in one swoop. I holed myself up in my house. I turned my phone off. I did jobs I was hired to do through my portfolio online. I didn't want to see anybody. Vic and Maya tried to reach out to me a few times.
I told Brendon that I wouldn't survive losing him, and it was true. I was dying inside.
Monday afternoon, and I had a job on the strip. A casino needed some new publicity shots taking. They paid double my fee too. I left my house and got into my car. Maya was pulling in to her driveway. I waved and smiled. I missed her and Vic. Maya did the same back.
I pulled off and went towards downtown Las Vegas. As I drove, I had my sunroof open and windows down, enjoying the hot Las Vegas summer day. I arrived at where I needed to be and got out of my car. I went to speak to the head of the media to ask what they specifically wanted and got on with the job. As I went up to the roof, I looked at the spectacular view surrounding me. I think I could see my house from here. Haha.

After I showed what I had taken, I headed back home. I was exhausted. As I pulled into my driveway I saw Vic arguing with Brendon fuckin Urie! I rolled my eyes and got out of the car.
"Hey, Vic." I said blatantly, ignoring Brendon.
"Robyn, come here." Vic said, and I hugged her. "How are you?" I side eyed Brendon, who had the decency to move from my front porch.
"Devastated. I lost my best friend and boyfriend all in one go. Mental health is not ok." I said as I pulled away from Vic. Brendon looked away guilt on his face.
"Vic, I love you, but I need to be on my own and grieve. When I feel up to it we can go get some drinks." I half smiled.
"I love you, Robyn, and call me anytime you need to." Vic kissed me on the cheek and walked away. She gave Brendon a look. I went into my house and locked the door. Brendon knocked softly on the door.
"Please, Robyn. I am so so sorry. I love you. I miss you." He said into the door. I was sat against the door sobbing. I couldn't deal with this at all. I screamed and ran away from the door. I locked myself in the bathroom. Tears clouded my vision, but I knew what I was looking for in the bathroom. I scrabbled through the cabinet sobbing, and my shirt was soaked with tears.
I found what I needed. I sat on the bathroom floor and rolled my sleeves up. I cut. I cut to take my pain away. I cut because I am so angry with myself for opening my heart. I cut because Brendon did what he said he would never do. Broke my heart.
Everything started to feel dizzy and hazy, but I kept on cutting. I looked down, and all that I could see was red. I was now in and out of consciousness. I heard a banging noise and all went black.

I could hear beeping. My eyes felt too dry and that I wasn't able to open them. My throat, there was something stuck in it. I moved my head, and I felt somebody holding my hand.
"Nurse! She's waking up!" It sounded like Brendon. Was I dead, and he followed me to wherever I ended up? Ffs, I can't even die in peace!
I must have had a tube down my throat because it was being removed. I coughed afterwards.
I finally opened my eyes. My eyes started to focus. It was Brendon I heard, and I am not dead. So I failed. I can't seem to do anything right at the moment.
Brendon sat in a chair beside the bed. He ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his face. I closed my eyes and dozed off.

A week later, I was out of ICU and in a private room. Vic and Maya had been to see me. Brendon? Well, Brendon wouldn't leave the hospital, even though I refused to see him. Maya was feeling sorry for the guy. She tried to convince me to talk to him. We hadn't properly spoken since that day at my house when he accused me of cheating.
I didn't want to talk to him. Ever again. I was absolutely broken by him. Just because I attempted suicide, I wasn't going to ease his guilt.
Psychiatry assessed me once I was well enough. I was severely depressed. Yea, no shit sherlock. I was grieving, and I couldn't cope with my grief. Especially when the source of the grief is banging on my door. The psychiatrist wanted to section me for my own protection. I refused and said that I would take anti depressants and attend therapy. I wouldn't try to take my life again. Vic has offered to stay with me for the first week or so until I am properly settled.
I was drifting off to sleep when the door opened. Probably a nurse to check my vitals.
"Robyn, I want to wholeheartedly apologise for what I have done to you. I love you, and I miss you. My life's not the same without you in it Rob. I keep looking to tell you something or share a joke, and you aren't there. I want to hug you, kiss you, and just call you whenever. Please Robyn! Please hear me!" Brendon was sobbing now. I felt him stand up. He kissed my forehead. Some of his tears fell on me."I love you so much, Robyn. Goodbye."
My eyes flew open. Goodbye? What did he mean by that? I was panicking now.