The Alpha's Broken Runt

Thirty-Nine

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I curl under my covers, cursing at my still damp hair as I pull them over my face. The meeting was productive, and we're planned to leave early tomorrow morning, they want to execute the mission in the night. I know Theodore is worried about me, I think he spent more time looking at me than the board during the meeting, I wish he wouldn't do that. I'm nervous of course, but I wouldn't say I'm scared, not really. I'm scared I'll lose my brother for good, but I'm not afraid of stepping back onto those grounds, not anymore.
My thoughts wander to Alex, will he be okay? Out of the two of us, Alex is the one who had to actually work for his freedom, mine was just accidental. I've never asked him about his escape, I've been curious, of course, but I would never ask him to relive whatever happened back then. If he wants me to know, he'll tell me.
I groan as I flip to my other side. I've already been laying here for longer than I'm a fan of, and sleep still hasn't come for me, it's evading me as it always does. I know my train of thought isn't exactly helping, but I can't not think of our plans. They're detailed, so I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about the what if. What if something bad happens, we get caught, found out. What if my brother is already gone? Taken from this world, from me, all over again.
What will tomorrow hold for us? For me? What if we come back empty handed, what if I have to start the mourning of my brother all from square one? I barely survived the first time.

I suppose sleep came for me at some point, but she didn't come kindly. I awaken in a panic, a seemingly unfamiliar face positioned above mine, saying something that sounds cloudy and unintelligible as I look around frantically. It's when my hands reach above me, attempting to push the person away, that I fully gain consciousness. The tingling through my fingertips brings me back to reality, and the stranger above me suddenly turns into Theodore, who is shouting my name in a panic.
"Eleanor? Are you okay? Eleanor!" I sit up quickly, mumbling something incoherent to him as I gain my groundings in reality. "Eleanor?" His voice is softer now, but there's still a hint of panic in it as he sits in front of me. "You were having a dream, are you okay?" I go to talk and notice suddenly the pain in my throat. Was I shouting?
"I'm okay, I'm so sorry, Theodore, did I wake you?" He shakes his head. "I was in my office when I heard you, are you okay?" I nod my head, staring down at my hands as I turn over the dream in my mind.
"I'm sorry... I- Uh, it was just a nightmare, I'm okay." He reaches a comforting hand out, squeezing mine tightly. "It's okay, I understand, love. Do you want to talk about it?" Love? I shake my head. "I'm okay, it was just about..." I trail off and he nods in understanding. "There's a lot going on, I'm sure tomorrow will be hard for you. Are you sure you want to come with us?" I look up to him in a panic. "Yes! It's... It's nothing like that. I just... It was my brother." He lets out a small breath, and I see an unsureness in his eyes. He doesn't know how to handle this, I can't blame him.
"I'm sorry, it- It isn't something you need to worry about! I'll be fine, and I promise I'll be good for tomorrow. I just want it to go well! That's all." I laugh anxiously and he gives me a small, pity filled smile. "Okay, Eleanor." An uncomfortable silence falls between us that I cringe at. Did I have to be so dramatic about everything? Even dreaming I make it someone else's problem.
"Okay, Eleanor, I'll leave you alone." He hesitates for a moment before standing, and as the bed settles back to normal, I feel an emptiness in my stomach.
His hand is on the doorknob and a panic is settling into my veins. "Theodore!" I wasn't meant to yell, and I cringe at my own pathetic loudness. He turns cautiously, concern written into his eyebrows. "Are you okay?" A blush is rising up my neck and I'm looking down at my hands as they pull hard at the hem of my shirt. "Could you... Stay with me?" There's no hesitation in his steps as he comes back up to me, kneeling down at the side of my bed, now looking up at me.
"Uh- I mean-! Um... If you don't mind..." He smiles up at me and I blush harder. I'm not used to seeing him at this angle.
"Of course, Eleanor." He doesn't move from his spot and I cringe slightly. He is so much better about boundaries than when we first met, but sometimes I wish he would assume a little. "I mean... Lay with me?" Shock overtakes his expression and he stammers for a moment as if the idea hadn't even crossed his mind. Maybe it hadn't. "If- If that's okay?" He swallows hard and nods. I move over as he stands, and as he's sitting down next to me in the bed, I suddenly fully realize that he's shirtless.
"I thought you were in your office?" He looks to me and sees me studying his chest. "Oh! I couldn't sleep so I went to do some work, I... didn't think to change." A pang of something I don't recognize goes through me at the idea of him being shirtless in the open. I shake it off as I go to meet his eyes. I can't see as well in the dark, but his blue eyes still give me a sense of comfort.
"I'm not taking away from anything, am I?" I register his words quickly, guilt filling me at the idea of distracting him from his duties.
His hand finds mine in the mess of covers and he gives it a reassuring squeeze. "No, Eleanor. This is where I want to be." I look away from him quickly and he lets out a breath. "Lay down, Eleanor, you need all the sleep you can get for tomorrow." He carefully pushes me down, following shortly after. He keeps my hand in his, but he doesn't move closer to me at all. I can feel how tense he is next to me and pray he can't tell how nervous I am.
The electricity shooting up my arm from our bond tickles my skin, and a part of me wishes I could feel it all over.
I'm half asleep when I feel Theodore moving a piece of hair out of my face, his fingers lingering on my skin. I know he must think I'm sleeping, and I don't dare move or let him know otherwise.
He places a light kiss on my nose and whispers something softly, so softly that I know it was only for him, but I hear it, too. "I love you, Eleanor." He's said those words to me before, multiple times, really, but the inflection of his tone makes the breath catch in my throat. It's a tone I've never heard before, so soft and pure, something so genuine. It's the first time I actually believe what he's saying.