The Alpha's Broken Runt

Chapter Forty-Two

            I'm not sure if Theodore said it out loud for his own needs, or because he knew I needed to hear it said plainly. Whatever the case, for a moment, it feels like I can't hear anything, like I can't breathe, like I'm not even here.
My hand drops, and Theodore looks up from the ground, his gaze meeting mine as my mind races.
What am I feeling? What should I be feeling?
Theodore reaches for me slowly, placing his hand onto my lower thigh. The shock his skin against mine causes pushes me back into reality, into the present.
Something dawns on me in that moment, and as I take in Theodore's expression, I know I must be right.
But it can wait.
"Eleanor? Are you okay?" I nod my head slowly, and Theodore moves closer to me, still on his knees. I feel him gently place his hands onto both of my legs as he stares up at me.
"I'm sorry, I... I've never been good at breaking news to people. I don't know if I went about this in the right way for you and I'm so incredibly sorry if I didn't, I-"
I shake my head to cut him off, staring down at him as I study the expression in his eyes- why would he lie?
"You're okay, Theodore. This is just... It's a lot, you know? And so sudden..." There's guilt gleaming behind his eyes as he looks up at me. "Is there anything I can do?" I shake my head slowly, breaking away from his gaze as I take to looking out the window instead.
Dead.
He's dead.
After all these years, all the time spent in his command, he's just gone? It doesn't seem real, or right. It feels wrong, like he'll be here any second, like he's still coming for me.
A part of me feels like death was too kind of a punishment, the other knows it's the only way I could ever feel any sort of true safety.
I've felt safe here with Theodore, of course, but it's a safety that's paired with a sort of looming dread, a hovering fear of what was out there, who was out there. A lingering thought that my old abuser could get his grasp on me again.
"What... What about the others?" Johnson wasn't the only one who made my life hell while I was there.
"They will have whatever fate the General Guard decides for them. I'm sure their punishment will be less severe, but given everything I don't think they will get off lightly. I nod, looking down at my hands set in my lap.
"So that's it? Its... Its all over?" Theodore squeezes my legs in a reassuring gesture that causes me to meet his eyes again. "It's over, Eleanor. There's nothing looming over your shoulder now. You're free to be who you want to." His look falters for a moment, and I notice doubt swim into his expression. "Wherever that may be." Oh, so that's the issue.
"Who I want to be is right here, Theodore. You don't have to worry about that anymore." I give him a reassuring smile, pushing the lingering thoughts from my head.

It's early when the General Guard gets there, Teddy grabs me from my room upon their arrival, and Alex meets me at the bottom of the stairs. When I see him, it is clear that I am not the only one uncomfortable with what the day will hold. His body is tense, and his eyes are screaming as we pull each other into a tight hug.
"We'll be okay. Remember, this is how we make sure it never happens to anyone else. Not by their hands." I nod as we pull apart, desperately trying to ignore the stinging in my throat. I catch Theodore's eye and he cringes, giving me a half-hearted smile afterwards before he's distracted by Oliver coming up to him.
They glance around quickly before leaving the room, a conversation starting in hushed whispers as they duck out of sight. Right.
"What... Exactly do I have to tell them?" I turn to Teddy, and she gives me a sympathetic smile as she grabs my hand, squeezing it in reassurance.
"You just need to recount your experience while with Johnson and the others. Now, Eleanor, you aren't required to tell them everything that happened to you, but the more you give, the more harsh their punishment will be, okay? So, it's completely up to you how you want to handle this." She casts a few glances between the two of us. "That goes for both of you. They were explicitly told this was a sensitive matter, and were also urged to bring female enforcers. You both will have your choice of who to give your statement to."
That information does ease the tension in my body some, but only a little. It still feels like there's extra weight all across my body, like every movement is harder to make.
"You'll both be okay, I promise. You're the strongest people I know." Teddy's words are sweet, but do little to reassure me. I've never felt strong a day in my life, and today is no different story.
Alex and I are instructed to give our statements first. According to Theodore, who arrived moments before the General Guard alerted us that that were ready, ours are the most crucial. Him and the others will really only be 'support' for our stories, they're just witnesses to the condition we were in.
I chose a female enforcer, obviously, named Sofia, who took me to a semi private area away from the rest of the group and sat me down. I wasn't oblivious that Theodore could most likely still hear us both, but I tried to ignore that fact.
If I'm completely honest with Sofia, it means that Theodore, too, will learn much more than I ever wanted him to about my time with them.
Sofia was kind and patient with me. She walked me through what she needed, and explained the circumstances the same way Teddy had. The talk was, however, still incredibly uncomfortable for me. She took notes the entire time, and would stop me sometimes to ask for more detail or about something I had said.
It was mortifying, really. Sitting here telling someone I had never met before everything I had been through, everything each of them had done to me. All the pain I had endured and all the things they had said.
It felt like days that I was sitting there with the enforcer, maybe it had been, but when I got back Alex was already there, and Oliver and Teddy had already given their statements, too. As the Doctor, Lillian was required to give a written one encompassing our injuries and how she viewed our mental health. The person they had spoken to parted from the group to go find my brother, and I urged Teddy to make sure he was okay after. Theodore squeezed my shoulder before walking off with Sofia to tell his side.
It ended up only being Oliver and I remaining. Teddy obliged my request, and Alex and Lillian went off by themselves, assumingly to comfort him.
"Are you okay?" Oliver asks after a short while. We're sitting in the grass, and I'm pulling pieces as I look up at the clouds.
"Not... Really. I sort of just poured my life's story out to someone I'd barely met." He nods, and a comfortable silence falls between us.
I can hear Theodore's voice rising during his statement. I can't make out what he's saying, but I can tell that his recounting is upsetting him. I wish it wasn't something he had to do.
"You know... Most of what he told you was true." I freeze, and Oliver shifts next to me.
"You're smart, Eleanor. And I could see it in your eyes all day today whenever he was brought up." I turn to look at him, and he gives me a look I can't read.
Sometimes I forget that Oliver is a higher up, even if its only through his mate bond. He acts really childish sometimes, goofy, it makes me forget how serious he can be. The Oliver I see now is one I've only seen a handful of times since I've known him.
"Theodore told me what he told you, and it's not really a lie in the way you think it is. He did say all that stuff, and he did escape. It's only... When Theodore finally restrained him, he didn't stop." I cringe slightly, and Oliver gives me an apologetic smile.
"It seems like something you should know, instead of you thinking the lie is worse than it is. I'm not even sure Theo recognized what he was doing until after it was done. It's like something came over him." He shakes his head. "Not Stephen, I know what that looks like. It was Theodore, it was just a different side of him."
A side that protects me.
"Thank you." I say after a few moments. "I won't tell him you told me. And I don't think it's important that he knows I know. He can have his peace of mind that I don't know who he can be." Oliver smiles at me.
"Eleanor, I know he doesn't show it the best, but he loves you. I mean, really, really loves you. You've changed him in ways I never thought possible."
"You two look like you're up to no good." I have to recover my expression quick as I jump, turning to catch Theodore's eyes.
"Oh, how you doubt me, Alpha." A look of disgust travels across his face at Oliver's words and he shakes his head.
"You're a bad influence on my girlfriend." I cover my surprise at the title, and don't correct it because I don't want to.
"Maybe I'm the bad influence."
"Yeah! Maybe its her!" Theodore sighs, reaching his hand out to help me up. "Did your talk go okay, love?" Love. "As well as it could have, I suppose." He nods.
"Well, they just finished up with your brother, so they should be heading out shortly. It will take some time, dear, but they'll keep me updated with what happens with the case."
I do go see my brother, and we tell each other how our storytelling went, and he updates me on how he's feeling. He's sitting up now, and Theodore kept his word on removing his restraints. I promised Scott I would bring him something to do, I for one hated being locked away in one of those sterile rooms.
It's dark when I get home, and the shower I take is filled with the thoughts I was dreading this night for.
I'm glad I'm able to help with those men getting the punishments they deserve, but all recounting my story does for me is bring up all the memories I want to forget. The ones I want to leave in the past. Far, far behind me.
I avoid my reflection in the mirror, leaning half dressed against the counter behind me as I try to suppress all the memories of Johnson and his second in command that keep rushing to the front of my mind.
His hands, his words, the pain. I avoid looking at my skin, at the scars that may never fade, those I may have with me for the rest of my life.
It's late, I know that. I know I'd like to sleep, but I know crawling in bed will do nothing to stifle the growing agony in my mind.
I shake my head, suppressing an aggravated cry as I pull my shorts on, stumbling out of the steaming bathroom.
I don't notice the direction I'm taking until I end up at Theodore's door, my hand hovering inches away from the wood. What am I doing?
"Eleanor?" The door is open in front of me. When did he open the door? "Are you okay?" How did I not notice him open the door? Now I'm just standing blankly in front of him, my mind still racing.
"Can I sleep here tonight?" The question that escapes my lips leaves us both surprised, but he is quick to step to the side and allow me in. I follow his gesture, taking a few paces past him before stopping.
I hear the door click closed and something unknown snaps in me. I turn around and push myself into his chest. I'm not even sure I know what I'm doing, but its clear Theodore is caught off guard entirely by this interaction.
"I'm sorry," I sniffle. "This day got to me more than I thought." He wraps his arms around me tightly and picks me up gently, wordless sitting us on the bed and allowing me to sit in his lap as I cry into his shoulder.
What am I doing? Why am I doing this?
"It's okay, Eleanor. You can feel as much as you need to. You're safe now, I've got you." His hands are tight on my waist, keeping me stable.
Is that what this is? I look up at him surprised, the tears in my eyes block my view of him and make him look blurry, but his blue eyes still pierce mine.
"I love you." I blurt out, regretting the words as soon as they leave my lips. Now wasn't the time for that. He's dealt with enough. "Shit, I'm sorry." His hands are tight on my waist, and as I go to look away, one hands dashes up to catch my chin.
"Do you mean that? Truly?" I nod, just barely enough for him to catch, and he beams down at me. "I'm going to kiss you, okay?" I nod again. "I love you so much, Eleanor." And his lips are on mine. His are soft, and the pressure feels electric as his hand wraps around to the back of my neck, gently forcing me closer to him, deepening the kiss between us.
My hands find his chest, and I'm curling my hands around his shirt as the hand on my waist wraps around to my back, forcing me closer to him still.
I break away from him, struggling to breathe, and almost instantly feel his soft kiss against my jaw, sending a shiver down my spine. His lips trail down my neck, finding where his mark lies and placing numerous kisses there. His touch is one of excitement, not arousal, and feels electric against my skin, yet I don't have to ask him to stop as he pulls away from me.
"We should get you some sleep." My skin is burning and my face is red as I nod, avoiding his gaze. He picks me up off his lap and sets me standing on the ground.
I notice how comfortable his bed is as I pull the covers over me, I notice, too, how strong his scent is here, and I welcome the comfort it brings me.
"Can I lay close to you, Eleanor?" I nod, and he turns off the light before pulling me against him, the electricity of our touch causing me to gasp.
"You'll have to get used to that; I've been feeling it this whole time darling." I turn to look at him. I can only just make out his features, but its enough.
I place a soft kiss against his jaw before placing my forehead against his chest. He doesn't keep his arms around me tightly, and I know that's him letting me know I can leave whenever I want.
The mental toll of the day dawns on my body quickly, and that mixed with the newfound comfort of Theodore, I can feel myself slipping away rather quickly.
And as darkness creeps around my mind, I have the thought that my room will be available for someone else, now.

I know my journey is far from over, but I know that the most painful chapter closed today. I may have a lot ahead of me, but with everyone I have met, everyone I love, and everything I've learned, I know it will be okay, even if its not perfect.


End