stigma (n.) // Hyunlix

Interlude #1

2017 - H Y U N J I N

He notices him earlier, of course. His ridiculous outfit, all the gold, and the bling, looking like he was imitating a rapper from those American music videos. That sweet face. That dark voice. People tell him he's the nicest kid, call him an angel and all that, and Hyunjin is suspicious at first because nobody is really that nice.

But then he gets to know him a little, gets to work with him because of course Chan takes him under his wing right away, and yeah, maybe it's true. Maybe he's really just that nice.

But that's all that Hyunjin notices in the first few weeks, and since they can't really talk much, Felix is not so high on his radar that Hyunjin ever really thinks about him.

It doesn't change much during the live show. He grows closer to the others more easily, he fights with Jisung on and off for most of the time, so Felix is mostly just there. A steady, good presence, but nothing Hyunjin ever thinks about it for too long.

~ o ~

It changes not when Felix gets eliminated, but when he comes back.

Hyunjin cries when Felix gets eliminated because he's not a robot or heartless and because somewhere along the way Chan had him convinced that it's nine or none and Hyunjin had counted Felix as a part of his own dream now. And he cried because the little kind kid that was too pure for the world he wanted to step into didn't deserve to be kicked out when he worked so hard every day.

It changes when Felix comes through the door and stands next to JYP, and he looks so nervous and so proud and so full of eager energy. It changes when he looks up to meet Hyunjin's eyes and gifts him with a small smile, and Hyunjin realizes he's genuinely happy he gets another chance to keep Felix by his side.

~ o ~

Hyunjin spots Felix one late night at the company, sitting cross-legged in front of the lockers, face bunched up in concentration. He's fighting with the lock, that much is clear, and Hyunjin doesn't need to hear the frustrated groans when he comes closer to understand.

"That one always gets stuck," he offers, not really helping. He's tried to open it before and ended up getting someone from the front desk to help before he learned the trick. By now it's one of those secrets that get passed down between trainees, like the blind spots for the cameras and the staff members who will sneak you food even if you're put on a diet.

Felix startles and does a double take at Hyunjin. "My backpack is in there," he says, his Korean coming out a little easier this late into the night. He jiggles the door one more time out of pure frustration.

Hyunjin crouches down and tries himself, pushing the door shut while pulling the handle, and Felix's hand lands half on his, trying to help. Pushing together is doing the trick and the door opens with a metallic click.

"Thank you!", Felix beams, his whole face changing. Hyunjin has watched that a few times, his face turning from a frown to a smile, and it's no less fascinating up close and directed at him.

"No problem." Hyunjin stands back up, flexing the hand he can still feel Felix's phantom touch on.

~ o ~

The cafeteria upstairs is still serving food, so they head up there, and Felix tries to offer to pay for their meals. Hyunjin laughs at that, silently wondering about that little kid from Australia that seems so thankful to anyone trying to be his friend. Hyunjin vows to do better by him. There's a little nudge in the back of Hyunjin's mind, a flare of something he isn't quite used to. Protectiveness is what he can best describe it.

Hyunjin declines the offer anyway, turning it around and paying for them both, and Felix's whole face blushes pink and Hyunjin's not sure if he's ever seen something this adorable.

They take a table by the entrance, and they're not the only ones still at the company but the staff is already cleaning the tables in the back.

"Thank you," Felix says again, and Hyunjin finds that he enjoys watching him eat. He's seen him refuse food twice now, and it twists something in Hyunjin's gut even though he knows why, has seen some of the others do the same. He's learned to look away quite quickly, but it's different when the younger ones do it.

Felix frowns at some point at his phone, furiously typing.

"All okay?" Hyunjin tries in English, and the surprised smile he gets for that is worth how foreign the words feel in his mouth.

"Yeah." Felix searches for the words in Korean to reply, starting and stopping, and still, Hyunjin has to ask twice to understand.

"Your friend is thinking about going back to his girlfriend?" Hyunjin tries to summarize. "And that's not a good idea?"

Felix hesitates then, and Hyunjin's sure he did something wrong.

"His boyfriend. I don't want him to go back to his ex-boyfriend."

Hyunjin laughs. It's the wrong reaction, that much is clear. But he laughs when he's nervous. He laughs when he's scared too, up to a point. Felix's words make them sound like a test and Hyunjin's not sure if he can pass it.

Hyunjin's not stupid. He's aware that so many of his friends here and at school fall in love with other boys instead of girls. Or both. But they never actually talk about it. At least not to Hyunjin.

Felix still stares at him, some of the light on his face dimming.

"Because ex-boyfriend is—," Hyunjin tries in English again, to show that he listened and to show that Felix can trust him. "—not nice?"

Felix nods slowly. "He deserves better."

The relief takes a bit of time to show on Felix's face. Hyunjin only breathes out when it does.