stigma (n.) // Hyunlix

Five

H Y U N J I N

"Something is weird here," Seungmin says, eyes squinting and his hand motioning at Hyunjin and Felix, indicating the "here" a little off the mark because hand-eye-coordination is the first thing out the window for Kim Seungmin when he drinks. He leans back and almost loses balance. Somewhere in the last minute, Jeongin pulled the pillow from behind Seungmin to prop it up behind himself. Seungmin shouts and lunges for his maknae, but only manages a soft jab to his side and then leans against his shoulder. Jeongin pulls a face but lets him be.

It's Chan's hotel room they're in, and there was an explanation for why this one is bigger and has two beds even though it's just Chan but Hyunjin already forgot about it. It's not even one in the morning Hyunjin suspects, but the day's been long and they're all lightweights.

"You're weird," Felix returns about five minutes too late, wriggling in Hyunjin's arms like a cat getting comfortable.

Hyunjin doesn't quite remember how it happened, Felix in his lap, when it's usually Changbin he gravitates towards when he's had something to drink (or when he's not drinking at all lately), Changbin, who welcomes the touching and the closeness, and who doesn't make it awkward. It was also Changbin's gaze Hyunjin met over Felix's head when they sat down on the floor, but Hyunjin ignored Changbin's raised eyebrow.

Like he ignores Chan too, who keeps sneaking glances over to him, not very good at hiding his concern, and Hyunjin needs to have a word with him and remind him not to be so obvious. A doctor's appointment is waiting for him when they get back, the date and time hidden in his calender under a dentist appointment, burning a hole in his pocket with how nervous Hyunjin is about it.

Maybe this time Felix stays in his arms because Hyunjin enjoys having him here leaning against his chest, a warm weight, so alive and so present against him. Maybe because when Felix squeaked and tried to get away from him, Hyunjin instead held him closer, his arms like a vice, until Felix settled against him.

Hyunjin can almost forget the flower growing in his chest, that persistent beautiful thing that only does what it's born to do, what it's supposed to, nurtured by love, a love uninterrupted, no second one to cancel it out.

He's held Felix so many times and not once before had he realized how precious it is, how much he wished that this moment could stretch just a little longer so he could memorize the exact way Felix fits against him, the way his laughter feels vibrating through his whole body so it vibrates through Hyunjin's body too. The way his skin smells.

Jisung is telling a story Hyunjin has heard about three separate times, full body performance complete with the impressions and sound effects, and Minho next to him sways out of the way more than once to avoid being hit full in the face. They're all in various stages of being drunk. Chan is the only one fully sober, and Minho and Changbin both stopped early and have since switched to water, but Hyunjin has reached that happy, giggly state and he knows he's getting more physical too, letting his hand run over Felix's arm, up and down and up and down, and his nose nuzzles against the back of his neck.

Hyunjin likes doing it. He has since discovered that there's a spot just right underneath Felix's ear that makes Felix shudder whenever Hyunjin pushes against it. He came across it by accident, when he made silly noises and wrapped his arms around Felix's smaller frame, swaying them both side to side. That's when it happened, when he pushed his nose against the spot and Felix shivered in his arms.

It's almost like a game now and Hyunjin giggles gleefully whenever it works, and when he gets not just the little shudder, but when Felix squirms in his lap, pushing his head back against Hyunjin as if asking him to stop, but he turns his head just so, giving Hyunjin more access, not less. Felix has one arm wrapped around Hyunjin's right leg, and his hand is holding onto his knee, squeezing tightly whenever Hyunjin presses his face against Felix's neck.