stigma (n.) // Hyunlix

Four

P A R T_T W OH Y U N J I N

Chan learns the truth a few weeks in after all. It's entirely by accident, and not initiated by Hyunjin and his passive manipulation, and it scares Hyunjin how it happens because that means he's not safe anymore and soon everyone will know.

It's after a stage in Seoul, when they're in the green room, packing their things, and Hyunjin feels it coming this time, the tingle in his throat and the burn in his lungs, and he excuses himself and rushes out of the room, running to the bathroom. He catches Jeongin's eyes as he runs out and he knows the kid understands immediately what's going on.

He makes it just in time to get inside but not to close a door, and Jeongin's right behind him, catching him when Hyunjin goes to his knees, coughing, holding his chest, and the petals come flying out, spilling over the palm of his hand like he's seen magicians do: a seemingly endless array of flower petals falling from their hands.

Hyunjin crouches on the floor, Jeongin's hands around his waist, as if he's unsure if he should pull him back up, and Hyunjin's coughing and coughing, and it doesn't seem to stop, not this time.

"I'm getting help," Jeongin says and is gone before Hyunjin can stop him.

Tears started streaming down Hyunjin's face. He's not crying, not exactly, but the coughing makes his body hurt all over, and the tears are falling anyway.

"What's going on?" he hears Chan say and he does sob then, relieved it's just him who's crouching down beside Hyunjin, tilting his face up to get a better look.

And what he sees makes him pale and almost recoil, almost, before he maneuvers Hyunjin so he can hold him better, hold him through the coughing fit.

"Get a bottle of water, don't tell anyone, and then come back here," Chan says, and his voice has changed completely, he's all leader now, and Jeongin, who's been hovering a few steps away, does so immediately, probably relieved to have something to do.

"Fuck, Hyunjinnie," Chan says, and more to himself, as he pulls him closer, holding him until the worst of it is over.

Chan is quiet when he waves for the water bottle Jeongin clutches in his hand. He's quiet throughout all of it, his face giving nothing away but tense concentration. He makes Hyunjin drink in careful sips. Then he gets a tissue and cleans his face, gently wiping away all the traces of the ugliness of this disease, the tear stains and the snot, and the crumpled-up flower petals. Hyunjin doesn't reach for them, doesn't collect them as he's done with all the others in secret. It's no use now, they're too many now and the coughing fit left him exhausted.

Chan cleans up the petals too, without a single word.

~ o ~

Next thing he knows, Hyunjin is sitting in the back of a car, Chan up front and one of the managers is driving. Chan has told him and Hyunjin has watched the color drain from his face too.

They're not talking anymore, but he's sure that will come later. Hyunjin thinks about the kids who are still at the venue, and about Jeongin, who's forced to tell half-truths now. Yes, Hyunjin didn't feel well and Chan went directly home with him. No, he doesn't know what's wrong.

Hyunjin's exhausted when they arrive. Most of it is from the stage, he's always exhausted after, but the burning in his chest is something new.

He hides in his room but can't quite drown out the noises of Chan and the manager on their phones, bodiless voices down the hall that he's usually so comforted by. It's different when he knows that they're talking about him. Hyunjin has a rough idea of what needs to happen now. Sees the array of people needing to be informed: managers, but only as few as possible; lawyers for sure, in case it leaked and there needed to be intervention; and then the doctors.