Divorced Hearts | THV

His actions

Before you begin reading, a minor trigger warning ahead

Taehyung's POV 

Words can scar one but silence can devour one alive . It felt like a trap in my own house , and I had willingly stepped inside , accepting the fate.  The silence in this house was deadly, deafening , so much that it made my skin crawl. I didn't wish to be alone but I forced myself to be . Because loneliness was the only solace , even though it was painful. 

Y/n didn't deserve to be with a man like me . A man with too many flaws which could snatch away her possibilities of a happy life ahead. I didn't intend to hold her back any longer after trying to make her happy and failing miserably .

Exactly a year and month back I took a decision of which I couldn't have imagined myself as a part of . Not after everything so dark about myself. Having me as a partner would possibly ruin one's life . And even after knowing so , I agreed to this marriage. Not because I wished to but because I was forced to . Nobody ever disagreed with my father's words .

He was a man of power and always had his ways to make his demands amended. He had had his eyes on Luma for some months and they reached a deal to seal with marriage, I had my ways to escape from this all closed. My wish to not marry, ever , was just an unheard plea which no one bothered to hear but things started to shift after the marriage. 

I was a man who stuck to his own set of rules . One of them was to never fall in love again . Never . Love only reminded me of the past which I desperately wanted to forget. But even therapies didn't help me to do so . I feared to close my eyes . I feared the dark which would remind me of the moments of heartbreak, betrayal and violence. I feared to be touched which would then proceed to make me feel the lingering of that contact on my skin , slowly crawling up till where my heart was and then squeezing it .

Moreover I feared speaking about my fears because a man shouldn't be a coward like I was under the veil of my freezing coldness. I had thought that marriage would end up triggering my condition more than it already was but things turned out the opposite.

With Y/n things weren't difficult because I wouldn't have to think around her . She was an unknown person about whom I would rather wonder than let my mind go off . 

She was a beautiful artist. Her hands would create masterpieces by just gliding around on the massive , empty canvases. When she drew , she looked calm and content with any kind of distress miles away from her . I would admire her strokes up close ,silently while sitting by the window at night while she slept soundly . I avoided sharing the same bed as her so sometimes I would sneak out and stay in the guestrooms.  

I was afraid that with one accidental slip of my boundaries, I would be forced to drift away from the presence of her . I had always preferred silence as my solace but slowly Y/n was replacing it without my own notice . 

Our marriage was out of our will yet I could find myself willingly following her stances around the house . When she'd carelessly cut the vegetables in the kitchen while her eyes would wander off everywhere else , my eyes would cautiously be on her hands, scared that she might end up hurting herself. Whatever she cooked tasted just perfect. I enjoyed the breakfast she made for me and would look upto having dinner at home.  

Home…one day I suddenly realised how I had started to call the house that contained all of my nightmares, home . Maybe it was because of her as well ? I had no control over my actions when Y/n was around. She had an affection for flowers . Every morning she would visit the garden and water the plants which were forgotten by the others living in this house. And I…I would later be left to wonder at work why my gallery was filled with the pictures of her .